coil

My whole being

Is tense with suspense:

Coiled up tight

Like the baby inside.

It's the releasing,

Uncoiling,

Letting go of my control.

That is the process of birth.

love without insurance

A fear-based religion sings this song:

"What if God is not happy with our praise
What if He is not pleased with the words we say
What if He takes away His love and His goodness from above
What if God is not happy with our praise."

I remember singing this in a choir ensemble and my mother objecting to the words. Her objections only make more sense the older I get. If this is the God we are serving, it isn't the one portrayed through the Bible, through Jesus. The basis for a God of love is not anything being earned by right actions, right words, (those come later, in response to that love.)

^{Luke 6:35} "But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. ³⁶ Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful."

  Love by nature is an overflowing, creating, giving thing. This love sought us out before we could love back, and without condition of "ONE DAY" having to give back, without insurance, loved us.

A love-based relationship sings something like this song:

"I know God loves me.
In the face of my failure, I rest in knowing 
that His love never fails...
And this makes me want to love Him in return."

heart's murmur

It's no wonder
that your heart has a murmur
I don't know how it couldn't;

how it could hold so much
and be normal.


Things can only stretch so far
before they bear some permanent form
of transformation.

I hear it beating
and it doesn't sound like a mar;
but like a pause,
a breath before continuing to whisper:
"I love."

Leaving the Gifts to Focus on the Relationships

This morning my oldest (6) wanted to surprise us with breakfast. Our youngest (2) always wants to be involved with anything she does, usually making life more frustrating for her in the process. This morning was no different and her strong ambition had her straining toward her goal with no patience for his interruptions, inducing screams and discord. When finished, she proudly presented her offering on the table. I was convicted as I asked her "What do you think your Mommy and Papi would like better: for you to make them breakfast or to get along with your brother?" She knew the answer was to get along with her brother, and I had a lot to think about myself.

God puts relationships before products of effort. If we arrive at a seemingly righteous destination with a wrong heart, He isn't pleased with our efforts. What we produce tangibly is always second or third or fourth in the comparison to how we use what we do to impact our "brother." How we use what we DO to build RELATIONSHIPS, not products, is what He looks at.

^{Matthew 5:23 "}Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; ²⁴ Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift."

 My "gifts" are often a clean house, prepared meal, academically educated children, acts of service. Things. And too often, these are things that come at the price of relationships. It's backwards, I'm learning. God wants me to use these things to create relationship, if I'm to use them at all, not to let the stress of the doing break the bond of loving the ones I am doing it with.

So, excuse me, I have to leave my gifts at this altar and go talk to some people.

supposed to learn

sometimes 

the hardest part of the struggle

is knowing what you're supposed to learn from it.

what's worse than wasted suffering?

you

are selfless enough

to want to help-

and aren't above

helping carry.

beyond expectation.

my gratitude 

isn't enough to fill my lack.

and still

one does not simply

lie down

in the desert;

too soon overwhelmed

with a million sands

and forgotten under layers.

and still, God's presence would be near.

one does not simply
wander
in this place

-no water, camel, tent.
-so much sun.
-a million miles
from love.

but still, nothing can separate?

Not:
-height, nor depth
nor heat.
-a million layers of sand
where I can't breathe-

It can't stop love.

Each grain of sand, then,
a testimony:
Love never fails.

desert mercy

You make your mercy new (1)*

with each desert sun that seems

poised to snatch it up

and drag it across the sky,

melt it down into the dunes.

My soul thirsts for you

where no water is (2)*

and yet the sun is still

a symbol of your mercy. (3)*

Dry places have desperate

inhabitants, (4)*

But you say that I can have

the very source of living water

inside of me... (5)*

Mercy that I now can

extend in this parched place,

be Your hands (6)*

to share life.

Sun, with light and heat

is a blessing

until You withhold rain. (7)*

We are desperate

waiting

until you reign again. (8)*

Until then,

I will offer a cup of water

in Your name.(9)*

-----------------------------------------

(1)* Lamentations 3:22-23

(2)* Psalm 63:1

(3)* Psalm 136:7-9

(4)* Luke 11:24

(5)* John 7:38

(6)* 1 Corinthians 12:27

(7)* 2 Chronicles 7:13

(8)* Hosea 6:3

(9)* Mark 9:41

Romans 7

⁴ So, my dear brothers and sisters, this is the point: You died to the power of the law when you died with Christ. And now you are united with the one who was raised from the dead. As a result, we can produce a harvest of good deeds for God. ⁵ When we were controlled by our old nature,^[b] sinful desires were at work within us, and the law aroused these evil desires that produced a harvest of sinful deeds, resulting in death.⁶ But now we have been released from the law, for we died to it and are no longer captive to its power. Now we can serve God, not in the old way of obeying the letter of the law, but in the new way of living in the Spirit.
This theme of dying to self and sin and living to God is repeated, but with a new emphasis on the Spirit of the law and its division from the letter of the law. Our sinful nature cannot keep the Spirit of the law without the help of the Holy Spirit. Our carnal nature takes the law and makes it into legalistic boxes that we either fit in or not, putting the emphasis on our own works and justifications... and neither are ever enough. We have to die. It's the only solution that makes sense! And then, when that same breath of God that made man a living soul comes into our lives through the power of His Spirit, we do live again, but as the Bible says, as a new creature. Now we can read the law and the Spirit can move our hearts to know how to apply the concepts behind the laws to our lives, not just lay a rigid grid over them and see what doesn't line up. The law strikes out at our inevitable, unavoidable unrighteousness. But when we are dead and have fulfilled the punishment the law shows we deserve, then we have the freedom from God's grace to implement it and see how it draws us closer to Him. The law becomes a personal way to grow closer to God and understand His nature instead of a horizontal leveler of the faults of my fellow humans. Paul acknowledges that the law is holy and that the point of it was to show us our sins:

⁷ Well then, am I suggesting that the law of God is sinful? Of course not! In fact, it was the law that showed me my sin. I would never have known that coveting is wrong if the law had not said, “You must not covet.”^{[c] 8} But sin used this command to arouse all kinds of covetous desires within me!

So, once we saw our sins, saw the impossibility of us ever atoning for ourselves and following the pattern of the law found the solution in the death of the sacrificial Lamb of God... which leads us to dying ourselves... NOW, finally, we are free to read and understand and apply where His Spirit leads us. Under grace we acknowledge that the Holy Spirit will guide each individual in the ways that they need most, internally, instead of imposing an outward show that so often leads to facades- so one's growth in one area may not be visible where others may show fruit in different areas more quickly... this leads to actual development of character, not development of charades to show how "holy" we are. Now we recognize it's not about us being holy, but being DEAD so that God can be Holy through us. As Paul says:
¹⁴ So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.

And he continues to our solution as well:
²⁴ Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? ²⁵ Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Once the sinful nature is dead, we can actually follow the law, in what Paul previously called the spirit of the law instead of the letter of the law.
In Chapter 8 he goes into more detail on what "life in the spirit" really means.

seeds

You impacted my world
with the subtlety of a seed.
A tiny, innocuous bit of concern.
It was nothing really...
but it found water
and slow, thirsty, tendrils of roots
went out searching for more.

Some choose to impact
with the fury of an
atomic bomb
or the un-involvement of a
passing car... but

A growing, green thing
is beautiful.

The million little choices to nurture,
listen,
point back to God,
love.

Little seeds make a mighty harvest.

May you be blessed
with the bounty of friendship
you have encouraged to grow.

Romans 6

¹³ ...present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 

Reading Romans 6:1-13, I think I understand this to be the main thought:

We must die, just as Jesus died, if we are to live spiritually. We are dependent on Him for salvation from ourselves and the penalty of death we are born with. We die to this nature and because of this, we do not live for ourselves or to fulfill our own agendas and lusts, we are complete property of Christ now and we are to be an extension of His hands here on earth. This means that in the future we have the hope to be able to live with Him in other ways, because we won't be living by our own power and sinful bodies that will never be holy enough to enter the presence of God, but rather through Christ. Physical death is not really a threat because we have the promise of spiritual life in the future and are already "dead," or not living for ourselves in the first place.

We see in verse 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace. This reminds me of something we looked at in chapter 3 verse 20: For no one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands. The law simply shows us how sinful we are.

The law is created to cope with and reveal to us what sin is- how to avoid it, how to redeem oneself from it. Grace is the balance to that, focusing on how to LIVE without the preoccupying fear of every little thing bringing wrath down on our heads. If we are not to sin, even under grace, we must look to the law to learn what sin is... but we are dead to sin, so while the law teaches us what to do or not do, grace then helps us implement those actions in life through Christ. Grace gives us the freedom to live the law without being bound to inescapable death. We are already dead, so our punishment is already paid. Now, without the fear of death, we can keep the spirit that was behind the law to begin with.

I think this is illustrated further in Paul's comparison of sin to slavery in verse 19:

Because of the weakness of your human nature, I am using the illustration of slavery to help you understand all this. Previously, you let yourselves be slaves to impurity and lawlessness, which led ever deeper into sin.

So life without the law leads us deeper into sin, and life with the law still shows how sinful we are. However, life under grace is already dead to sin, and thus, free from the power of sin and able to better “do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life.” So how do we know what things to do that lead to holiness and eternal life? If we are only under grace, we have the freedom from penalty, but not instruction into righteousness. Is it then that the law instructs us on the nature of God and if we can find the “why” behind the law and live that then we will learn to be righteous. This is where the Spirit of God helps us determine the meaning behind the law, the motivations of God, and how to not be legalistic but to apply it to our lives in the millions of nuances that are not spelled out letter by letter in the Bible. 

More of this is answered in Chapter 7.

Romans 5:1-20

2 Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory...⁸ But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. ⁹ And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. ¹⁰ For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. ¹¹ So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.

This is the simple gospel: God made a way to balance out the law, (which required OUR death,) with the substitution of Jesus. He didn’t stop at this gross unfairness to himself, though, because He was holy and triumphed over death- providing us with a way to attain eternal life through Jesus. Before, where we were enemies of God because of our unrighteousness, now we can go into the presence of God through the blood of Jesus- and more. Not only do we gain atonement, we gain his friendship! He prepared this way for us at extreme cost to Himself before having any assurance that we would even choose to accept it… and He, as is His character, went further than mere redemption and made a way for relationship.

Can you imagine being the friend of God? Abraham was known for his faith earlier in Romans, and now for his friendship. It also brings to mind the words from James: 2:23 "And so it happened just as the Scriptures say: “Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith.” He was even called the friend of God."

So that our friendship with God is reliant upon our faith in Him and acceptance of the way He made for us follows this same pattern: faith in God leads to friendship with God.

¹⁴ Still, everyone died—from the time of Adam to the time of Moses—even those who did not disobey an explicit commandment of God, as Adam did. Now Adam is a symbol, a representation of Christ, who was yet to come.

So Adam chose the knowledge of good and evil over obedience and brought death to all, perhaps as foreshadowing of the law- which brings knowledge, showing us what sin is, but does not bring redemption. Jesus chose extreme obedience and made a way for everyone to have eternal life. He, through the law, came and fulfilled the law leaving us with not only knowledge of what is sin, but with the power of a life-giving relationship with the ability to overcome sin. If He was, as John described, “the Word made flesh that dwelt among us,” perhaps the same words spoken by God to create the law in the first place were all wrapped up in His human body… but alive! Now we can have a relationship with the Word, it’s not just tablets of stone! What a parallel. 

Romans 5 1-11 Joy

I see a series of situations that produce joy or rejoicing according to Paul in the first part of the 5th chapter of Romans: He begins with:
² Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.
So, first he introduced how we can have joy when we look to our future with God.

And then continues the theme of joy with:

³ We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. ⁴ And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. ⁵ And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Problems & Trials = endurance = strong character = hope of salvation (because of the Holy Spirit filling our hearts with his love) = JOY!

What stands out to me is how problems and trials are not separate from God's love, they are actually part of the equation of SHOWING us how much God loves us. Second, then, we can rejoice in our current trials.

¹¹ So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.

And then, third, we can rejoice in what God has done for us in the past.

I think Paul has covered every tense here... and of course they all work together. Our joy in what Jesus did to makes us reconciled with God helps us to have joy in our trials because we know that they are helping us joyfully look to the future where they will produce glory... 
Goodness Paul. I think I get the point!

Romans 4

Chapter 4 is a history lesson bringing previous chapters about the relationship between faith and the works of the law to life through Abraham. I believe the main point is based on this part of Chapter 3:

²⁷ Can we boast, then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No, because our acquittal is not based on obeying the law. It is based on faith. ²⁸ So we are made right with God through faith and not by obeying the law.

The law of Moses came after Abraham, who is called the father of all who believe... so what law did Abraham follow? Is this what Paul references when he says in Romans 2:14  

"Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. ¹⁵ They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right."?

 We know Abraham had a thriving personal relationship with God. He was called the friend of God. He spoke with God often, and a few times in person; so perhaps this constant contact with God honed his conscience to the point that his actions followed a law his eyes had never read. Why then, does Paul make this division? He seems to emphasize "faith of Abraham" over the "law of Moses." Yet, Paul's specific example of Abraham shows him following the law of circumcision before it was a part of the law of Moses:

⁹ Now, is this blessing only for the Jews, or is it also for uncircumcised Gentiles?^[c] Well, we have been saying that Abraham was counted as righteous by God because of his faith. ¹⁰ But how did this happen? Was he counted as righteous only after he was circumcised, or was it before he was circumcised? Clearly, God accepted Abraham before he was circumcised!¹¹ Circumcision was a sign that Abraham already had faith and that God had already accepted him and declared him to be righteous—even before he was circumcised. So Abraham is the spiritual father of those who have faith but have not been circumcised. They are counted as righteous because of their faith. ¹² And Abraham is also the spiritual father of those who have been circumcised, but only if they have the same kind of faith Abraham had before he was circumcised.

I think he is going through so much trouble with so many words in creating this example for one simple concept: The law does not make one righteous. The law is based on doing something myself, working for myself, trying to find atonement for myself. Only faith can make one righteous because it acknowledges that when I must stand before a Holy creator, none of my works will atone for my unholiness. Only Christ can.

 ⁴ When people work, their wages are not a gift, but something they have earned. ⁵ But people are counted as righteous, not because of their work, but because of their faith in God who forgives sinners.

Faith acknowledges that I can do absolutely nothing- and this is such an uncomfortable, uneasy thought, and I suppose it is not natural. It seems to create a vacuum in logic: I am getting something I do not deserve for absolutely nothing in return but my mere belief. Scripture is clear, though, what Abraham did, what we are able to do, is not what will make us righteous. We will never be able to boast in our own abilities, but must come to the point of realizing that everything we are able to do is from God:

 ² If his good deeds had made him acceptable to God, he would have had something to boast about. But that was not God’s way. ³ For the Scriptures tell us, “Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith.

And:

¹⁶ So the promise is received by faith. It is given as a free gift. And we are all certain to receive it, whether or not we live according to the law of Moses, if we have faith like Abraham’s. For Abraham is the father of all who believe.

This defies all natural laws that we work with in this world. Something is never for nothing here, and we are so used to this that we drag it into the spiritual realm and try to work for our salvation, forgetting that there’s a whole new set of rules and norms for that realm. Where we are used to viewing physical, tangible evidence to determine worth, God looks instead at the heart and motivation behind the production, or even before the production of those works, making this question valid:

¹⁰ But how did this happen? Was he counted as righteous only after he was circumcised, or was it before he was circumcised? Clearly, God accepted Abraham before he was circumcised!

Paul has already said, in Chapter 3

³¹ Well then, if we emphasize faith, does this mean that we can forget about the law? Of course not! In fact, only when we have faith do we truly fulfill the law.

Which emphasizes that God looks at our motivations, at what drives our works and our obedience to his words more than the final result of our actions. Right actions with wrong motivations are then wrong. Right motivations, though they may take a while to produce “perfected fruit” can still be pleasing to God. This is a very personal part of righteousness: We must continually ask ourselves “Am I doing these things because I am motivated by love for God, or am I trying to atone for myself?” and perhaps, we have to then start over at the beginning and acknowledge:

1.       God exists

2.       I have faith in this God

3.       I believe that only He can atone for me

4.       This produces love and gratitude for him

5.       This love motivates me to good works

6.       I now can ask myself “what works can I do that will show God I love Him. What needs can I fulfill in the environment he has placed me in that will extend this same love to the people around me?”

This is in sharp contrast to the legalistic questions created when men try to line up their final results with the law instead of lining up their hearts to love. Paul emphasizes that Abraham’s faith, though personal with him, was recorded for our benefit:

²³ And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn’t just for Abraham’s benefit. It was recorded ²⁴ for our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. ²⁵ He was handed over to die because of our sins, and he was raised to life to make us right with God.

And here’s where we are called to action with the example of Abraham who put it into action:

²⁰ Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. ²¹ He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises. ²² And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous.

Have faith. Believe in God’s promise even when all physical evidence contradicts it. Let your faith grow stronger and bring glory to God. Fully rely on the sacrifice of Christ to make you righteous. Let this sacrifice motivate you to love and good works. Faith like this can make us be counted as righteous, too.