Approval.
It's as addictive as any white powder ever was, but with the extra insidiousness of being invisible.

I've seen so many people, I've experienced myself, trying to earn God's approval through people who have twisted His truth. So many times this then quickly turns into looking for new places to gain approval and rejecting the good and the bad lumped together of the purported idea of "god."

We all need approval to some degree. We seem to be wired that way. As a parent, this makes me ask myself these questions:
-Am I raising my children to need my approval or God's approval taught by me?
-Will my children be able to discern between praise for incorrect behavior by peers and Godly approval?
-Am I leading my children to seek God's will first over going with what family or society makes the comfortable choice?

With small children, especially, an intense desire to please this parent who cares for them is inherent. This is natural and good. This has powerful potential to ingrain many good qualities into the character of a child if developed the right way: Helpfulness, compassion, obedience are all qualities that can begin with just a simple desire to please. As with anything powerful, it has the ability to ingrain unbalanced desires into a child. If a child desires to please but can never accomplish enough to gain the approval of a parent, he or she often quickly turns to any other way to gain attention. If positive attention is not possible, negative attention trumps NO attention. So many student's that I taught would need attention from me first thing in the morning, or the whole day would go crazy until they got it. It is astounding the amount of difference a small conversation, a hug or just a high 5 could change the course of a day, and that is only within the limited time of a class room. A parent has exponential influence! So many actions compound and grow and feed off of each other. How do we create balanced, loving environments that lead children to our God and get them to seek His approval over even our own?

I think it begins with a relationship and example of Godly obedience. If a relationship is not developed with a child, then imposing rules will not bring them into obedience unless God touches their hearts. He has given parents the job of making disciples of children, leading children to Him. Our relationships with our children, hopefully, are based on building Godly character, showing love by example and allowing them to see the shaping hand of God in our lives. Eventually, the trust the child places in his or her parents and earning of approval from them has to be transferred to God. This doesn't mean a child doesn't still love, respect and learn from his or her parents, but their approval, the one who leads them into the next part of their lives, is from God.

How do you train a child to obey and then to transfer that obedience to Christ?

I am continually learning how to parent. There are so many answers I don't have, but here is what I believe is important: Parenting transparently, not with the illusion of perfection.
It is only Christ in me that allows me to do good, His life breathing through dead, sinful bones. Often, I don't die to sin and I fight against His spirit and make mistakes as a parent. I then have to ask for forgiveness from my children and take them with me, back to the cross. Leading by example of humility, brokenness and total dependance on God is more likely to create an authentic God-child relationship than any act of being a perfect parent ever could.

My prayer is this: that God will help me to parent in a balanced, Godly way; that I will not make even my own approval of higher importance than the approval of God and that I will be able to humbly lead by example and total dependence on Jesus Christ.

It is becoming clearer to me every day why the bible advocates constant godly dialog between kids and parents. There are so many teaching moments, for me AND them, that need to be shared. I do not easily do dialog, so this is something I am trying to improve. It's hard to not view talking as a chore, but as a necessary form of teaching for life. As a teacher I could separate my life into "teaching" and "home stuff," but with children it is ALL teaching. I get overwhelmed so easily, especially when I feel like I have to multitask. For me, it comes down to this: Mothering is all about pacing yourself and doing one thing well at a time- not getting wrapped up in things more than the family and God you serve.

I continue learning about fear. I feel this is the lesson I have been learning the longest, but which I've only recently been able to apply to life. Leaving the middle east for vacation I realized some things that should be very simple, but that I wasn't realizing:
-You can not run from fear because you carry it inside of you. It isn't dependent upon external factors, but internal ones.
-This makes it simple: Fear doesn't come from God, and if I have it as His child, it is a choice I am making.
-If it is a choice, the fear of the future is inhibiting the enjoyment of the present because I am letting it.
Which made it much clearer to make a different choice. Clearer, but not always easier. Worrying about something isn't going to do anything but make life miserable and inhibit clear thought if something bad does happen. Instead, I could acknowledge that God has a reason for everything, even bad things, and not worry about it but accept that He will help if something does happen.

But the last two points are then tied together in this question I have been trying to figure out: How do you raise children to be motivated by love instead of fear? I know there is healthy fear in order to survive and the "fear of God" but those are not what I'm talking about. One can choose to be motivated by love instead of fear, but that doesn't change reflexes. If a child is trained up in fear, how does he depart from that? If fear is the result of not being made perfect in love, how is that process begun, and more importantly, passed on?

I live with a strong suspicion
that everything I do is wrong
but that I can do it wrong
better than anyone else.

I live with the strong suspicion
that I can't interact well with others
because I'm missing some integral link,
but my words can somehow make a difference.

I live with the strong suspicion that
Suspicions are based on
Fear, Lies and Selfishness;
and it's not really about me.

When I choose to replace suspicion with faith
I have instead, assurance:
He will use all things for
my good: His glory.