While still in the States, I began feeling a very heavy sense that our coming to the Middle East was going to be for a reason, and not an easy one. The night before our flight here I couldn't sleep and the only thing I could think that would bring peace was "to live is Christ, to die is gain." I felt that I must be prepared to literally die, and not only to the flesh. That feeling has only increased since being here. If nothing else, it has honed my spiritual senses to how important it is to be crucified with Christ.

There have been several prophesies throughout churches (of differing denominations) in the Middle East that agree that the Middle East is on the verge of massive war like it has never seen and church persecution, but that God and His church are going to persevere. I realize that this is not surprising news.

While I have read Revelation, it has always been confusing and way over my head and I've never chosen to read it. However, lately it seems like God has been drawing me to read it and particularly drawing my attention to these verses: "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death" Rev 12:11

Revelations: 13:10 "He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints."


My particular challenge is not to reconcile myself with the thought of death, but rather to release my fear for my children.

I realize that they belong to God first. The story of Moses is much harder to read now that I have children of my own. Like I've said, I can see how his mother probably had doubts. Wouldn't a dead innocent child be better than one who grew up to defy the Holy One of Israel? And in the surroundings Moses was to grow up in, she had no way of knowing how he would choose. (Not that we ever do.)I feel like my children are in a similar environment but there's still only so much they are able to grasp right now.


My prayer right now is that God will/has started a work in their little hearts and that this will continue: "...Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:5-6

Reflexive Instincts vs. Spiritual Maturity

Something that I've struggled with for a long time, and felt convicted about lately, are my reflexive violent responses to what I perceive as aggressors. Reflexive because it's such an ingrained, not even thought about response: you kick and I automatically have a body part responding to block and give it back. Instinctual protection. Spiritually undermining.

These words have been whispering to my heart lately as I've been seeking God about having more of His nature and less of my carnal one:

1 Corinthians 4:12
12 "And labour, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it:"

He didn't challenge us to do anything that He didn't teach by example:

1 Peter 2:23
23 "Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:"

The only way this is possible is through internal transformation. .

Romans 12:2
2 "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

On my own I am a desperately wicked, terribly selfish, extremely violent and fear-filled human. This is not God's finished plan. He provides grace for my learning, strength and knowledge through His Word for transformation and His example and spirit to guide me. I have this goal:

Galatians 5:22-25
22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."

We live up to our language.
Or down to it.

What starts as a simile,
quickly becomes a metaphor in the mind...
that is then mirrored physically-
becoming reality.

Life and death in the tongue.

If things can be simplified, then:
Thought becomes Word becomes Action;
Reality

I choose to give you
and myself
an enriching language
to live up to.

You are not afraid to be vulnerable
I think that is what I love most.
It's difficult to feel fear
around one with an open heart.

God chooses to use people
to show Himself to the world.
the body of Christ working together, healing itself
so that it can reach out to a hurting world.

You give me courage to connect
to be part of the body as intended
and I love you for the way
that you let God love me through you.