Imperfections of Life Create Perfection in Us

Have you ever known something intellectually but have a light bulb moment when it moved from “knowledge” into “belief”? This happened for me the other weekend as I was in the kitchen sipping coffee… probably the fact that I had time to think because I didn’t need to do other work for once helped with that. 

I’ve always thought of God as a creator/organizer/guy-in-charge, but Thalia helped me to see him as a loving father. After Thalia went home, it has been challenging to find a reason to want to be here. Far from being a negative question, I've found it a freeing one, as it has stripped everything down to its barest importance, contingent on how God uses it in my life. I have been asking God what the point of this life is, and slowly, He’s given me different answers. It began with loving others to Him and, in this particular light-bulb moment, in creating beauty in us. Gradually He is broadening my concept of who He is as He answers who I am in Him.

I’ve not really thought of God as an artist before. You don’t ask an artist why he does something that seems illogical to the viewer-of-the-process. It’s art! This reminds me of the prophet’s showing Israel a view of God as a potter, and of Job being questioned if he understood God’s motivations. If anyone is beautiful as a core quality, it is God, and as Paul mentions, He is forming us into His image and we will be gloriously transformed: “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Cor 3:18 

This makes life have a point, not only for others, in a bringing-those-away-from-him in, but also in a continuing beautifying process past that point. I need this hope. Becoming beautiful in the very real, God-like sense of the word is a worthy cause, not only inherently, but because of who we will be beautiful to. And, having His approval, after letting life transform us here, makes the transforming part of the process just that: a process, and not an ending of life. 

I find this impacts the way I approach life: instead of being so concerned with doing things "perfectly" to achieve a "perfect" end result, I can see that it’s more about letting the things I go through transform me. Maybe another way to say this is that it’s more about letting the things we go through perfect us, rather than us perfecting those things. God uses the imperfections of life to create more of His perfection in us. 

God is a beautiful artist.

love without insurance

A fear-based religion sings this song:

"What if God is not happy with our praise
What if He is not pleased with the words we say
What if He takes away His love and His goodness from above
What if God is not happy with our praise."

I remember singing this in a choir ensemble and my mother objecting to the words. Her objections only make more sense the older I get. If this is the God we are serving, it isn't the one portrayed through the Bible, through Jesus. The basis for a God of love is not anything being earned by right actions, right words, (those come later, in response to that love.)

^{Luke 6:35} "But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. ³⁶ Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful."

  Love by nature is an overflowing, creating, giving thing. This love sought us out before we could love back, and without condition of "ONE DAY" having to give back, without insurance, loved us.

A love-based relationship sings something like this song:

"I know God loves me.
In the face of my failure, I rest in knowing 
that His love never fails...
And this makes me want to love Him in return."

Biblical concepts that go against instinct can not be seamlessly adopted into one's life. It takes struggle and lots of study and digesting the Bible to really get it INTO our hearts and then used as reflexive actions. I find it humbling that as I've been studying God's attitude towards our violence/non-violence that He has kept opening new scripture to me. I am convinced of only one thing: I do not know everything and can only learn by God giving me wisdom. Lately I've been lead to read the Psalms, particularly Psalms 4 and 17. Psalms 17 surprised me.

"8 Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings, 9 From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about."

We know by reading the story of David, the psalmist, that he defended himself by running away. He felt conviction just cutting the hem of Saul's cloak! Saul being anointed or not, this was a non-violent approach. I don't know that everything he did applies to the New Testament, but the Psalms seem to transcend Levitical barriers and in Psalms 17 the psalmist is putting his defense in God's hands.

If faced with an attacker, I would try to get out of the situation... but we have to accept that sometimes we can't run. However, we have to strive to be so in tune with the spirit of God that we can look beyond another's aggression and see their soul. We are not our own. We don't play by the rule's of this world and of our instinct.
I've heard many stories of people in this sort of situation and the common theme is that if they truly believed that God would take care of them and they were willing to be harmed to help someone else, in each case God stepped in and took their side in one way or another. Sometimes this meant saving them from harm. Sometimes it meant them being harmed but bringing God great glory in the process. We have to die to the flesh every day so that we are prepared for any more literal moment. Stephen had this in-tune kind of spirit. He was asking God to forgive the people who were stoning him to death. How can we cultivate this spirit of peace and submission to God, even in the middle of horror? I'm convinced it starts with daily dying and bringing our flesh habitually into submission to God.

We crave for suffering to make sense and have a higher purpose. When we can't see that purpose, then sometimes we reject that it should happen at all. We're looking towards a place where justice is real and that things DO make sense, but we're not there yet. I don't know where to discriminate between persecution for following Jesus and criminal activity. Isn't any evil inherently going against God and those who belong to Him? We know that bad things happen to good people and we know that we can only control our own actions and reactions to those bad things. We know that we will be judged by our works, and we know that overcoming our carnal nature is worth it in the end. There is so much transformation that has to take place between where we begin naturally and that creature that is admitted into the presence of God. (Yes, He gives us grace, and I'm thankful for that. He also calls us to actively pursue His higher standard.)

The psalm goes on to say:

10 They are inclosed in their own fat: with their mouth they speak proudly. 11 They have now compassed us in our steps: they have set their eyes bowing down to the earth; 12 Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey, and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places. 13 Arise, O Lord, disappoint him, cast him down: deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword: 14 From men which are thy hand, O Lord, from men of the world, which have their portion in this life, and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure: they are full of children, and leave the rest of their substance to their babes.

This part especially stands out to me. It's interesting that God uses the wicked as a tool, not only against other wicked people, but also to shape His children to be more like Him. This reemphasizes the need to let ourselves be molded by God's use of wicked people in our lives. How painful. This goes against every fiber of our being.

For me it all boils down to the last verse. 15 "As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness." It's all about motivation- a deep desire to be in His likeness, though that means willing to accept pain.

My children are not my ultimate treasure.

Let me explain why, though this sounds unfeeling, this is such a freeing statement.

This post is what I wrote a few days ago that has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind since then.

While I realized in my head that my children were really God's and that He would complete what He started... I hadn't really let them go. Their successful spiritual conclusion, though I didn't realize it, was still my goal.

That is something I can't control.

Matthew 6:21 says "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.." The Bible says that children are a heritage, a blessing, a responsibility and a reward- but they're not our ultimate goal. My children are on earth and unless they find God's transforming power, they will not be a part of heaven. This is weighty. While I realize I have a huge responsibility to lead them to God and do everything I can to encourage that transformation, how often have I put the well-being (even their spiritual well-being- controlled by my fear) of my children before my love for God- turning them inadvertently into idols? My main goal, my main desire, has to be first the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 6:31-34 addresses this:

31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Greg Boyd does a good summary of my thoughts on this passage, and on bringing out some very good points I have a bad habit of forgetting:



My treasure is first: God and His will for me. Everything else falls in line behind that.

God first takes the pressure off of me. He loves my children more than I ever could and if He's first in my life, He'll lead me in the way that's best for my children also. I'm a better mother when I put God before my children.

How freeing.

Growing up hearing the words "God loves you" doesn't automatically translate into believing those words. Sometimes those are just words that bounce off of our consciousness and out into the never realized part of our brains... unless really felt and experienced.

Only recently have I, after a long time of not, felt like God loved me. Maybe it's from being separated from my emotions in order to survive from around the time of my miscarriage... maybe it's just that I'm flawed and expect Him to be like me, I don't know. I just know that I was lying in bed praying as I nursed my baby like I do when it's bedtime and for the first time in a long time I felt really loved by God. Does this mean I wasn't before? No. But it's reassuring to feel it sometimes.

Not long after this experience, I got my kids a scripture lullaby CD (volume 1 & 2) because they fall asleep better with music and I prefer the music to be uplifting, since music is easily remembered. As I was listening to the words, this really struck my heart: "You're not here by chance, you are My design, I did well to give you life" It reinforced the feeling of being loved, with something more. Sometimes I think I'm so imperfect that, yes, He loves, but surely with reservations and certainly He couldn't love me with pride! But He does. And it's humbling. And He wants us to love each other the same way He loves us... which, once experienced, makes you understand why.

Here is the scripture lullaby with it's references:

Psalm 139:14
"...I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, Andy my soul knows it very well." NASB

Psalm 23:6
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." NKJV

Genesis 1:27

"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." NKJV

God's song to you, His child, His creation...

"Looking out into the night sky
A million stars shining down and
I can see how you'd feel so small
Don't forget I'm your Creator
You are Mine and I adore you
Nothing else moves my heart like you
You're not here by chance, you are My design
I did well to give you life

You are fearfully and wonderfully made
Long before you drew your first breath
I knew your name
Surely goodness and mercy
Will follow you forever
For you are fearfully and wonderfully made

Looking deep into your eyes
you're beautiful, like no one else
I smile when I think about your face
you were made in My own image
Carefully, My love would finish
Forming you into who you are
I won't let you go, I'm here with you always
I'll watch you grow strong because I know

You are fearfully and wonderfully made
Long before you drew your first breath
I knew your name
Surely goodness and mercy
Will follow you forever
For you are fearfully and wonderfully made"