Like rich dessert
After a good meal.
Thou preparest a table for me.
Like a sprinkler turned on
While it's raining.
My cup overflows.
Your blessings towards me
More than sufficiency.
Unnecessarily extravagant.
It is not deserved,
Much given; much to give.
I shall not want.
I will remember
When days are lean.
Life turns full circle.
I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Lessons
Lessons in community,
The body of Christ
Learning to let love replace fear.
It's focus:
Letting Him work through me,
The pressure all on shoulders
more than big enough to handle it
and not
Struggling to be perfect by myself.
Isolation vs. Community
Fear vs. Love
my weakness vs. His Strength
Conformation vs. Transformation
Physical vs. Eternal-
He trades it through chastening,
Orchestrating life to knead out the
worry,
and the bitterness,
and the anger...
Learning to fight instinct:
The gravity of self
That pulls us from the worship
That our spirit was created for.
It's not expecting to understand
What my mind can not hold, just:
decrease self
so that He can increase.
The body of Christ
Learning to let love replace fear.
It's focus:
Letting Him work through me,
The pressure all on shoulders
more than big enough to handle it
and not
Struggling to be perfect by myself.
Isolation vs. Community
Fear vs. Love
my weakness vs. His Strength
Conformation vs. Transformation
Physical vs. Eternal-
He trades it through chastening,
Orchestrating life to knead out the
worry,
and the bitterness,
and the anger...
Learning to fight instinct:
The gravity of self
That pulls us from the worship
That our spirit was created for.
It's not expecting to understand
What my mind can not hold, just:
decrease self
so that He can increase.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Word Objectification
If you could see your words
take shape
be molded by tone
and objectified,
what would you see?
Fire, smoke and a list of ingredients;
band aids, seesaws and closed doors
Would be my parents talking.
My brother speaks in masks
and vulgar clown paint
with occasional mossy rocks
My sister in syringes
with blacked out labels,
fences and reflective windows
I've heard spoken
hugs, cacti and
dusty old maps
But Jesus speaks
ointment, bread, a balanced sword
and living water.
I am striving
for less bombs and barbed wire
and more Jesus.
take shape
be molded by tone
and objectified,
what would you see?
Fire, smoke and a list of ingredients;
band aids, seesaws and closed doors
Would be my parents talking.
My brother speaks in masks
and vulgar clown paint
with occasional mossy rocks
My sister in syringes
with blacked out labels,
fences and reflective windows
I've heard spoken
hugs, cacti and
dusty old maps
But Jesus speaks
ointment, bread, a balanced sword
and living water.
I am striving
for less bombs and barbed wire
and more Jesus.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
People: elements on the periodic table...
with certain numbers of protons
and neutrons
and electrons.
Sometimes balanced by another.
Sometimes creating violent reactions.
Some are more stable:
rigid solids.
Some more adaptable:
liquids taking the shape of their container.
Some very unstable and hard to contain:
gases.
Lacks and strengths:
our odd numbers of electrons
driving us to combine
with another atom
to create an even number;
Balance.
with certain numbers of protons
and neutrons
and electrons.
Sometimes balanced by another.
Sometimes creating violent reactions.
Some are more stable:
rigid solids.
Some more adaptable:
liquids taking the shape of their container.
Some very unstable and hard to contain:
gases.
Lacks and strengths:
our odd numbers of electrons
driving us to combine
with another atom
to create an even number;
Balance.
Saturday, July 07, 2012
I'm not perfect... I know this and I'm sure everyone around me knows this, but still something inside of me wants to hide my imperfections. Sometimes I try to let people only see the "sanitized" version of my life: the part I've edited to remove all of my mistakes and to make me look less, well, human? I am a constantly striving creature who needs daily renewal to survive spiritually. Of course I make mistakes! The beautiful part of this is that God is so gracious, He doesn't only help me overcome my mistakes, He USES those same mistakes to make me a better person and to encourage other people. He doesn't call me to "sanitize" my life for others, but to sanctify, set apart, my life through His Word so that He can use that mess as a message.
1 Corinthians 6:11
And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
The "sanitized" version of my life doesn't allow God's grace in my life to shine through. If His strength is made perfect in weakness, I have to let my weaknesses show sometimes, to be able to show His strength!
The sanitized mindset wants to have a perfect home before inviting people over and then, is stressed to keep it maintained while they are visiting that I don't allow Jesus to use me to love them. The sanctified mindset disregards the pride that motivates my hyper-cleaning and instead focuses on loving the people who are in my home.
The sanitized mindset avoids meeting new people because I'm scared and awkward and don't know what to say. The sanctified version doesn't focus on myself, but on the other person's needs.
The sanitized mindset finds fault in an effort to lift myself above others because of their defects. The sanctified version recognizes the amazing ways grace has transformed my mistakes into my greatest witness for Christ, and my own daily necessity for forgiveness, and extends that same grace and forgiveness to those around me.
I don't want to be my version of "sanitized;" LORD, sanctify me.
1 Corinthians 6:11
And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
The "sanitized" version of my life doesn't allow God's grace in my life to shine through. If His strength is made perfect in weakness, I have to let my weaknesses show sometimes, to be able to show His strength!
The sanitized mindset wants to have a perfect home before inviting people over and then, is stressed to keep it maintained while they are visiting that I don't allow Jesus to use me to love them. The sanctified mindset disregards the pride that motivates my hyper-cleaning and instead focuses on loving the people who are in my home.
The sanitized mindset avoids meeting new people because I'm scared and awkward and don't know what to say. The sanctified version doesn't focus on myself, but on the other person's needs.
The sanitized mindset finds fault in an effort to lift myself above others because of their defects. The sanctified version recognizes the amazing ways grace has transformed my mistakes into my greatest witness for Christ, and my own daily necessity for forgiveness, and extends that same grace and forgiveness to those around me.
I don't want to be my version of "sanitized;" LORD, sanctify me.
Monday, July 02, 2012
There are statements that constantly bombard my thoughts if I let them and move my focus from letting God work through me to bless others, and shift it to myself. Statements like:
"You're never good enough."
"No one wants to be around you."
"You have to earn love."
"You should be what others want you to be."
"What you're doing does not matter."
"You need things to make you happy."
Some of these are true occasionally, but the Word of God challenges each of these thoughts with a higher perspective.
When I think "you are never good enough," it responds: No one is good enough, that's why Christ died and I work best through your weaknesses.
When I think "no one wants to be around you" it responds: It's not about you. If I be lifted up I'll draw all men to me. Lift me up.
When I think "you have to earn love" it responds: Love isn't earned, it's who I AM. Nothing you do can make me love you more. Nothing you do can make me love you less.
When I think "you should be what others want you to be" it responds: Seek first MY kingdom and righteousness and the things that really matter in life will automatically fall into place.
When I think "what you're doing does not matter" it responds: Do everything as unto Me; only what's done for Me will last. Do those things that always matter.
When I think "you need things to make you happy" it responds: Lay up your treasure's in heaven, that's your true destination. Don't get distracted from the eternal reality by the mirage of this world.
"You're never good enough."
"No one wants to be around you."
"You have to earn love."
"You should be what others want you to be."
"What you're doing does not matter."
"You need things to make you happy."
Some of these are true occasionally, but the Word of God challenges each of these thoughts with a higher perspective.
When I think "you are never good enough," it responds: No one is good enough, that's why Christ died and I work best through your weaknesses.
When I think "no one wants to be around you" it responds: It's not about you. If I be lifted up I'll draw all men to me. Lift me up.
When I think "you have to earn love" it responds: Love isn't earned, it's who I AM. Nothing you do can make me love you more. Nothing you do can make me love you less.
When I think "you should be what others want you to be" it responds: Seek first MY kingdom and righteousness and the things that really matter in life will automatically fall into place.
When I think "what you're doing does not matter" it responds: Do everything as unto Me; only what's done for Me will last. Do those things that always matter.
When I think "you need things to make you happy" it responds: Lay up your treasure's in heaven, that's your true destination. Don't get distracted from the eternal reality by the mirage of this world.
Sunday, July 01, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
People come to the Middle East for many different reasons. Many from the Philippines, various African countries and surrounding Islamic countries for the chance to make a decent salary to send home to their families. Sometimes their families come too, but you have to make a certain salary for that to be allowed, so most of the time they don't. Many of these people find work cleaning houses and raising other people's children or driving a taxi or construction work. One result is that anytime we are in public we come in contact with people like this who are homesick and missing their families, especially if they have children they've left behind. These are the people who usually try to talk to our kids or smile at them or want to shake their hands.
I have to admit that I don't always look fondly at my housework or whining kids, but now I see it from a different perspective. It's a blessing to be able to do my own housework for my own family. How can I complain about dirty dishes when they represent abundance? I get to wash my own instead of washing dishes for another person to support my family. It's a blessing to be able to choose to serve the people I love instead of having to serve others out of necessity. Holding my crying kid is a privilege. I know I will love him/her no matter what, who else could do my job like that? I certainly don't want someone else holding my crying child, or want to take care of someone else's kids for pay while missing my own. Their training is my most important work.
To the many people who must leave your families in order to support them, thank you for perspective. May you be reunited quickly.
I have to admit that I don't always look fondly at my housework or whining kids, but now I see it from a different perspective. It's a blessing to be able to do my own housework for my own family. How can I complain about dirty dishes when they represent abundance? I get to wash my own instead of washing dishes for another person to support my family. It's a blessing to be able to choose to serve the people I love instead of having to serve others out of necessity. Holding my crying kid is a privilege. I know I will love him/her no matter what, who else could do my job like that? I certainly don't want someone else holding my crying child, or want to take care of someone else's kids for pay while missing my own. Their training is my most important work.
To the many people who must leave your families in order to support them, thank you for perspective. May you be reunited quickly.
Monday, June 18, 2012
1:1 In the second year of King Darius, on the first day of the sixth month, the word of the Lord came through the prophet Haggai to Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua son of Jozadak,[a] the high priest: 2 This is what the Lord Almighty says: “These people say, ‘The time has not yet come to rebuild the Lord’s house. ’” 3 Then the word of the Lord came through the prophet Haggai: 4 “Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin? " 5 Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. 6 You have planted much, but harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.” Haggai 1:1-6
Haggai is obviously a message to a nation with their priorities out of whack. Unfortunately, this too easily applies to our world and personal lives today. It's so easy to put things, even GOOD things, before our relationship with God and taking time to listen for His will in our lives. How often have we struggled to figure out why ends that should be meeting are just not quite working they way they should? How often are we frustrated by plans that should be foolproof- but yet we were foolish enough to make them without confirming with the One who holds tomorrow?
6 “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. 7 I will shake all nations, and what is desired by all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory, ’ says the Lord Almighty. 8 ‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the Lord Almighty. 9 ‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace, ’ declares the Lord Almighty.”
God, the God of the Universe, this great big entity that we can't understand or squeeze into our minds, has a will that is underlying every movement of the earth. He is portrayed so often as a distant, ancient ruler who doesn't really get involved or impose His will because He provides grace so that He doesn't have to deal with our dirtiness. This chapter paints a very strong, very involved, completely in control, personal God whose spoken word is the same reality as it was in creation. His will is accomplished and He leaves us with a choice: We can either step up and be a part of that will in a good way, or ignorantly be used as a tool (even the wicked are used as His tools); either way, His plan is going to happen. It's like He's saying: "If you could just see the bigger picture that I have planned, your routines and life that you get stuck in would be the last thing you desired and getting closer to Me would be your priority." This chapter emphasizes that when we honor God, everything else falls in line like it should.
If our priorities aren't straight, everything else is messed up by default:
2:11 “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘Ask the priests what the law says: 12 If someone carries consecrated meat in the fold of their garment, and that fold touches some bread or stew, some wine, olive oil or other food, does it become consecrated? ’”
The priests answered, “No.”
13 Then Haggai said, “If a person defiled by contact with a dead body touches one of these things, does it become defiled?”
“Yes,” the priests replied, “it becomes defiled. ”
14 Then Haggai said, “‘So it is with this people and this nation in my sight,’ declares the Lord. ‘Whatever they do and whatever they offer there is defiled.
It's important that his examples taken from the law show that it is easier to contaminate things than it is to make them holy. By offering sacrifices in an attitude of compensation for not making the temple of God their priority, while the sacrifices were not unclean themselves, their attitude stunk and canceled them out. It reminds me of 1 Samuel 15:22
"And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams." This concept is also echoed in the first chapter of Isaiah.
This theme is repeated so often in the Bible because we easily get our priorities misaligned. If we can put Him first, though, like the children of Israel in Haggai's time, we will see God's blessing in every area of our lives.
2:19 Is there yet any seed left in the barn? Until now, the vine and the fig tree, the pomegranate and the olive tree have not borne fruit.
“‘From this day on I will bless you.’”
Still, there's something more important. Besides doing something to avoid hell, besides doing something for a blessing, Jesus' example took it to a more personal level. He made the will of God his nourishment.
John 4:31-38
In the mean while his disciples prayed him, saying, Master, eat. 32 But he said unto them, I have meat to eat that ye know not of. 33 Therefore said the disciples one to another, Hath any man brought him ought to eat? 34 Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work. 35 Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest. 36 And he that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and he that reapeth may rejoice together. 37 And herein is that saying true, One soweth, and another reapeth. 38 I sent you to reap that whereon ye bestowed no labour: other men laboured, and ye are entered into their labours.
The will of God was Jesus' very sustenance... and He explains what that will is: reconciling the world to God.
In my small, carnal mind- being so in tune with God's will is hard to fathom. It comes down to trusting that God's will is best and really believing it. When our heart is right, our actions will follow. When our heart is not right, right actions do not make up for it, as the people found with their sacrifices in Haggai. Funny how we can know things in our head, but still don't get them into our heart so that they can impact our actions.
This is the prayer that is echoing in my heart: Psalm 86:11 "Teach me your way O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."
Haggai is obviously a message to a nation with their priorities out of whack. Unfortunately, this too easily applies to our world and personal lives today. It's so easy to put things, even GOOD things, before our relationship with God and taking time to listen for His will in our lives. How often have we struggled to figure out why ends that should be meeting are just not quite working they way they should? How often are we frustrated by plans that should be foolproof- but yet we were foolish enough to make them without confirming with the One who holds tomorrow?
6 “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. 7 I will shake all nations, and what is desired by all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory, ’ says the Lord Almighty. 8 ‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the Lord Almighty. 9 ‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace, ’ declares the Lord Almighty.”
God, the God of the Universe, this great big entity that we can't understand or squeeze into our minds, has a will that is underlying every movement of the earth. He is portrayed so often as a distant, ancient ruler who doesn't really get involved or impose His will because He provides grace so that He doesn't have to deal with our dirtiness. This chapter paints a very strong, very involved, completely in control, personal God whose spoken word is the same reality as it was in creation. His will is accomplished and He leaves us with a choice: We can either step up and be a part of that will in a good way, or ignorantly be used as a tool (even the wicked are used as His tools); either way, His plan is going to happen. It's like He's saying: "If you could just see the bigger picture that I have planned, your routines and life that you get stuck in would be the last thing you desired and getting closer to Me would be your priority." This chapter emphasizes that when we honor God, everything else falls in line like it should.
If our priorities aren't straight, everything else is messed up by default:
2:11 “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘Ask the priests what the law says: 12 If someone carries consecrated meat in the fold of their garment, and that fold touches some bread or stew, some wine, olive oil or other food, does it become consecrated? ’”
The priests answered, “No.”
13 Then Haggai said, “If a person defiled by contact with a dead body touches one of these things, does it become defiled?”
“Yes,” the priests replied, “it becomes defiled. ”
14 Then Haggai said, “‘So it is with this people and this nation in my sight,’ declares the Lord. ‘Whatever they do and whatever they offer there is defiled.
It's important that his examples taken from the law show that it is easier to contaminate things than it is to make them holy. By offering sacrifices in an attitude of compensation for not making the temple of God their priority, while the sacrifices were not unclean themselves, their attitude stunk and canceled them out. It reminds me of 1 Samuel 15:22
"And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams." This concept is also echoed in the first chapter of Isaiah.
This theme is repeated so often in the Bible because we easily get our priorities misaligned. If we can put Him first, though, like the children of Israel in Haggai's time, we will see God's blessing in every area of our lives.
2:19 Is there yet any seed left in the barn? Until now, the vine and the fig tree, the pomegranate and the olive tree have not borne fruit.
“‘From this day on I will bless you.’”
Still, there's something more important. Besides doing something to avoid hell, besides doing something for a blessing, Jesus' example took it to a more personal level. He made the will of God his nourishment.
John 4:31-38
In the mean while his disciples prayed him, saying, Master, eat. 32 But he said unto them, I have meat to eat that ye know not of. 33 Therefore said the disciples one to another, Hath any man brought him ought to eat? 34 Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work. 35 Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest. 36 And he that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and he that reapeth may rejoice together. 37 And herein is that saying true, One soweth, and another reapeth. 38 I sent you to reap that whereon ye bestowed no labour: other men laboured, and ye are entered into their labours.
The will of God was Jesus' very sustenance... and He explains what that will is: reconciling the world to God.
In my small, carnal mind- being so in tune with God's will is hard to fathom. It comes down to trusting that God's will is best and really believing it. When our heart is right, our actions will follow. When our heart is not right, right actions do not make up for it, as the people found with their sacrifices in Haggai. Funny how we can know things in our head, but still don't get them into our heart so that they can impact our actions.
This is the prayer that is echoing in my heart: Psalm 86:11 "Teach me your way O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."
Saturday, June 09, 2012
Biblical concepts that go against instinct can not be seamlessly adopted into one's life. It takes struggle and lots of study and digesting the Bible to really get it INTO our hearts and then used as reflexive actions. I find it humbling that as I've been studying God's attitude towards our violence/non-violence that He has kept opening new scripture to me. I am convinced of only one thing: I do not know everything and can only learn by God giving me wisdom. Lately I've been lead to read the Psalms, particularly Psalms 4 and 17. Psalms 17 surprised me.
"8 Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings, 9 From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about."
We know by reading the story of David, the psalmist, that he defended himself by running away. He felt conviction just cutting the hem of Saul's cloak! Saul being anointed or not, this was a non-violent approach. I don't know that everything he did applies to the New Testament, but the Psalms seem to transcend Levitical barriers and in Psalms 17 the psalmist is putting his defense in God's hands.
If faced with an attacker, I would try to get out of the situation... but we have to accept that sometimes we can't run. However, we have to strive to be so in tune with the spirit of God that we can look beyond another's aggression and see their soul. We are not our own. We don't play by the rule's of this world and of our instinct.
I've heard many stories of people in this sort of situation and the common theme is that if they truly believed that God would take care of them and they were willing to be harmed to help someone else, in each case God stepped in and took their side in one way or another. Sometimes this meant saving them from harm. Sometimes it meant them being harmed but bringing God great glory in the process. We have to die to the flesh every day so that we are prepared for any more literal moment. Stephen had this in-tune kind of spirit. He was asking God to forgive the people who were stoning him to death. How can we cultivate this spirit of peace and submission to God, even in the middle of horror? I'm convinced it starts with daily dying and bringing our flesh habitually into submission to God.
We crave for suffering to make sense and have a higher purpose. When we can't see that purpose, then sometimes we reject that it should happen at all. We're looking towards a place where justice is real and that things DO make sense, but we're not there yet. I don't know where to discriminate between persecution for following Jesus and criminal activity. Isn't any evil inherently going against God and those who belong to Him? We know that bad things happen to good people and we know that we can only control our own actions and reactions to those bad things. We know that we will be judged by our works, and we know that overcoming our carnal nature is worth it in the end. There is so much transformation that has to take place between where we begin naturally and that creature that is admitted into the presence of God. (Yes, He gives us grace, and I'm thankful for that. He also calls us to actively pursue His higher standard.)
The psalm goes on to say:
10 They are inclosed in their own fat: with their mouth they speak proudly. 11 They have now compassed us in our steps: they have set their eyes bowing down to the earth; 12 Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey, and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places. 13 Arise, O Lord, disappoint him, cast him down: deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword: 14 From men which are thy hand, O Lord, from men of the world, which have their portion in this life, and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure: they are full of children, and leave the rest of their substance to their babes.
This part especially stands out to me. It's interesting that God uses the wicked as a tool, not only against other wicked people, but also to shape His children to be more like Him. This reemphasizes the need to let ourselves be molded by God's use of wicked people in our lives. How painful. This goes against every fiber of our being.
For me it all boils down to the last verse. 15 "As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness." It's all about motivation- a deep desire to be in His likeness, though that means willing to accept pain.
"8 Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings, 9 From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about."
We know by reading the story of David, the psalmist, that he defended himself by running away. He felt conviction just cutting the hem of Saul's cloak! Saul being anointed or not, this was a non-violent approach. I don't know that everything he did applies to the New Testament, but the Psalms seem to transcend Levitical barriers and in Psalms 17 the psalmist is putting his defense in God's hands.
If faced with an attacker, I would try to get out of the situation... but we have to accept that sometimes we can't run. However, we have to strive to be so in tune with the spirit of God that we can look beyond another's aggression and see their soul. We are not our own. We don't play by the rule's of this world and of our instinct.
I've heard many stories of people in this sort of situation and the common theme is that if they truly believed that God would take care of them and they were willing to be harmed to help someone else, in each case God stepped in and took their side in one way or another. Sometimes this meant saving them from harm. Sometimes it meant them being harmed but bringing God great glory in the process. We have to die to the flesh every day so that we are prepared for any more literal moment. Stephen had this in-tune kind of spirit. He was asking God to forgive the people who were stoning him to death. How can we cultivate this spirit of peace and submission to God, even in the middle of horror? I'm convinced it starts with daily dying and bringing our flesh habitually into submission to God.
We crave for suffering to make sense and have a higher purpose. When we can't see that purpose, then sometimes we reject that it should happen at all. We're looking towards a place where justice is real and that things DO make sense, but we're not there yet. I don't know where to discriminate between persecution for following Jesus and criminal activity. Isn't any evil inherently going against God and those who belong to Him? We know that bad things happen to good people and we know that we can only control our own actions and reactions to those bad things. We know that we will be judged by our works, and we know that overcoming our carnal nature is worth it in the end. There is so much transformation that has to take place between where we begin naturally and that creature that is admitted into the presence of God. (Yes, He gives us grace, and I'm thankful for that. He also calls us to actively pursue His higher standard.)
The psalm goes on to say:
10 They are inclosed in their own fat: with their mouth they speak proudly. 11 They have now compassed us in our steps: they have set their eyes bowing down to the earth; 12 Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey, and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places. 13 Arise, O Lord, disappoint him, cast him down: deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword: 14 From men which are thy hand, O Lord, from men of the world, which have their portion in this life, and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure: they are full of children, and leave the rest of their substance to their babes.
This part especially stands out to me. It's interesting that God uses the wicked as a tool, not only against other wicked people, but also to shape His children to be more like Him. This reemphasizes the need to let ourselves be molded by God's use of wicked people in our lives. How painful. This goes against every fiber of our being.
For me it all boils down to the last verse. 15 "As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness." It's all about motivation- a deep desire to be in His likeness, though that means willing to accept pain.
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
My children are not my ultimate treasure.
Let me explain why, though this sounds unfeeling, this is such a freeing statement.
This post is what I wrote a few days ago that has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind since then.
While I realized in my head that my children were really God's and that He would complete what He started... I hadn't really let them go. Their successful spiritual conclusion, though I didn't realize it, was still my goal.
That is something I can't control.
Matthew 6:21 says "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.." The Bible says that children are a heritage, a blessing, a responsibility and a reward- but they're not our ultimate goal. My children are on earth and unless they find God's transforming power, they will not be a part of heaven. This is weighty. While I realize I have a huge responsibility to lead them to God and do everything I can to encourage that transformation, how often have I put the well-being (even their spiritual well-being- controlled by my fear) of my children before my love for God- turning them inadvertently into idols? My main goal, my main desire, has to be first the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 6:31-34 addresses this:
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Greg Boyd does a good summary of my thoughts on this passage, and on bringing out some very good points I have a bad habit of forgetting:
My treasure is first: God and His will for me. Everything else falls in line behind that.
God first takes the pressure off of me. He loves my children more than I ever could and if He's first in my life, He'll lead me in the way that's best for my children also. I'm a better mother when I put God before my children.
How freeing.
Let me explain why, though this sounds unfeeling, this is such a freeing statement.
This post is what I wrote a few days ago that has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind since then.
While I realized in my head that my children were really God's and that He would complete what He started... I hadn't really let them go. Their successful spiritual conclusion, though I didn't realize it, was still my goal.
That is something I can't control.
Matthew 6:21 says "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.." The Bible says that children are a heritage, a blessing, a responsibility and a reward- but they're not our ultimate goal. My children are on earth and unless they find God's transforming power, they will not be a part of heaven. This is weighty. While I realize I have a huge responsibility to lead them to God and do everything I can to encourage that transformation, how often have I put the well-being (even their spiritual well-being- controlled by my fear) of my children before my love for God- turning them inadvertently into idols? My main goal, my main desire, has to be first the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 6:31-34 addresses this:
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Greg Boyd does a good summary of my thoughts on this passage, and on bringing out some very good points I have a bad habit of forgetting:
My treasure is first: God and His will for me. Everything else falls in line behind that.
God first takes the pressure off of me. He loves my children more than I ever could and if He's first in my life, He'll lead me in the way that's best for my children also. I'm a better mother when I put God before my children.
How freeing.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
While still in the States, I began feeling a very heavy sense that our coming to the Middle East was going to be for a reason, and not an easy one. The night before our flight here I couldn't sleep and the only thing I could think that would bring peace was "to live is Christ, to die is gain." I felt that I must be prepared to literally die, and not only to the flesh. That feeling has only increased since being here. If nothing else, it has honed my spiritual senses to how important it is to be crucified with Christ.
There have been several prophesies throughout churches (of differing denominations) in the Middle East that agree that the Middle East is on the verge of massive war like it has never seen and church persecution, but that God and His church are going to persevere. I realize that this is not surprising news.
While I have read Revelation, it has always been confusing and way over my head and I've never chosen to read it. However, lately it seems like God has been drawing me to read it and particularly drawing my attention to these verses: "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death" Rev 12:11
Revelations: 13:10 "He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints."
My particular challenge is not to reconcile myself with the thought of death, but rather to release my fear for my children.
I realize that they belong to God first. The story of Moses is much harder to read now that I have children of my own. Like I've said, I can see how his mother probably had doubts. Wouldn't a dead innocent child be better than one who grew up to defy the Holy One of Israel? And in the surroundings Moses was to grow up in, she had no way of knowing how he would choose. (Not that we ever do.)I feel like my children are in a similar environment but there's still only so much they are able to grasp right now.
My prayer right now is that God will/has started a work in their little hearts and that this will continue: "...Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:5-6
There have been several prophesies throughout churches (of differing denominations) in the Middle East that agree that the Middle East is on the verge of massive war like it has never seen and church persecution, but that God and His church are going to persevere. I realize that this is not surprising news.
While I have read Revelation, it has always been confusing and way over my head and I've never chosen to read it. However, lately it seems like God has been drawing me to read it and particularly drawing my attention to these verses: "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death" Rev 12:11
Revelations: 13:10 "He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints."
My particular challenge is not to reconcile myself with the thought of death, but rather to release my fear for my children.
I realize that they belong to God first. The story of Moses is much harder to read now that I have children of my own. Like I've said, I can see how his mother probably had doubts. Wouldn't a dead innocent child be better than one who grew up to defy the Holy One of Israel? And in the surroundings Moses was to grow up in, she had no way of knowing how he would choose. (Not that we ever do.)I feel like my children are in a similar environment but there's still only so much they are able to grasp right now.
My prayer right now is that God will/has started a work in their little hearts and that this will continue: "...Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:5-6
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Reflexive Instincts vs. Spiritual Maturity
Something that I've struggled with for a long time, and felt convicted about lately, are my reflexive violent responses to what I perceive as aggressors. Reflexive because it's such an ingrained, not even thought about response: you kick and I automatically have a body part responding to block and give it back. Instinctual protection. Spiritually undermining.
These words have been whispering to my heart lately as I've been seeking God about having more of His nature and less of my carnal one:
1 Corinthians 4:12
12 "And labour, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it:"
He didn't challenge us to do anything that He didn't teach by example:
1 Peter 2:23
23 "Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:"
The only way this is possible is through internal transformation. .
Romans 12:2
2 "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
On my own I am a desperately wicked, terribly selfish, extremely violent and fear-filled human. This is not God's finished plan. He provides grace for my learning, strength and knowledge through His Word for transformation and His example and spirit to guide me. I have this goal:
Galatians 5:22-25
22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."
These words have been whispering to my heart lately as I've been seeking God about having more of His nature and less of my carnal one:
1 Corinthians 4:12
12 "And labour, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it:"
He didn't challenge us to do anything that He didn't teach by example:
1 Peter 2:23
23 "Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:"
The only way this is possible is through internal transformation. .
Romans 12:2
2 "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
On my own I am a desperately wicked, terribly selfish, extremely violent and fear-filled human. This is not God's finished plan. He provides grace for my learning, strength and knowledge through His Word for transformation and His example and spirit to guide me. I have this goal:
Galatians 5:22-25
22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."
Sunday, May 20, 2012
We live up to our language.
Or down to it.
What starts as a simile,
quickly becomes a metaphor in the mind...
that is then mirrored physically-
becoming reality.
Life and death in the tongue.
If things can be simplified, then:
Thought becomes Word becomes Action;
Reality
I choose to give you
and myself
an enriching language
to live up to.
Or down to it.
What starts as a simile,
quickly becomes a metaphor in the mind...
that is then mirrored physically-
becoming reality.
Life and death in the tongue.
If things can be simplified, then:
Thought becomes Word becomes Action;
Reality
I choose to give you
and myself
an enriching language
to live up to.
Friday, May 11, 2012
You are not afraid to be vulnerable
I think that is what I love most.
It's difficult to feel fear
around one with an open heart.
God chooses to use people
to show Himself to the world.
the body of Christ working together, healing itself
so that it can reach out to a hurting world.
You give me courage to connect
to be part of the body as intended
and I love you for the way
that you let God love me through you.
I think that is what I love most.
It's difficult to feel fear
around one with an open heart.
God chooses to use people
to show Himself to the world.
the body of Christ working together, healing itself
so that it can reach out to a hurting world.
You give me courage to connect
to be part of the body as intended
and I love you for the way
that you let God love me through you.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Living in limbo
is a half-packed suitcase
and a never fully-decided
wardrobe.
Living in limbo
is friendship-
not quite followed through
so no one is left in the lurch.
Living in limbo
is seizing the opportunity
of the moment before
both you and it are gone.
Living in limbo
is hovering between
the present and the future:
unable to pause, unable to fast forward.
Living in limbo
is a gift of growing time
before being drawn
into a new routine.
is a half-packed suitcase
and a never fully-decided
wardrobe.
Living in limbo
is friendship-
not quite followed through
so no one is left in the lurch.
Living in limbo
is seizing the opportunity
of the moment before
both you and it are gone.
Living in limbo
is hovering between
the present and the future:
unable to pause, unable to fast forward.
Living in limbo
is a gift of growing time
before being drawn
into a new routine.
Monday, April 02, 2012
Growing up hearing the words "God loves you" doesn't automatically translate into believing those words. Sometimes those are just words that bounce off of our consciousness and out into the never realized part of our brains... unless really felt and experienced.
Only recently have I, after a long time of not, felt like God loved me. Maybe it's from being separated from my emotions in order to survive from around the time of my miscarriage... maybe it's just that I'm flawed and expect Him to be like me, I don't know. I just know that I was lying in bed praying as I nursed my baby like I do when it's bedtime and for the first time in a long time I felt really loved by God. Does this mean I wasn't before? No. But it's reassuring to feel it sometimes.
Not long after this experience, I got my kids a scripture lullaby CD (volume 1 & 2) because they fall asleep better with music and I prefer the music to be uplifting, since music is easily remembered. As I was listening to the words, this really struck my heart: "You're not here by chance, you are My design, I did well to give you life" It reinforced the feeling of being loved, with something more. Sometimes I think I'm so imperfect that, yes, He loves, but surely with reservations and certainly He couldn't love me with pride! But He does. And it's humbling. And He wants us to love each other the same way He loves us... which, once experienced, makes you understand why.
Here is the scripture lullaby with it's references:
Psalm 139:14
"...I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, Andy my soul knows it very well." NASB
Psalm 23:6
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." NKJV
Genesis 1:27
"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." NKJV
God's song to you, His child, His creation...
"Looking out into the night sky
A million stars shining down and
I can see how you'd feel so small
Don't forget I'm your Creator
You are Mine and I adore you
Nothing else moves my heart like you
You're not here by chance, you are My design
I did well to give you life
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
Long before you drew your first breath
I knew your name
Surely goodness and mercy
Will follow you forever
For you are fearfully and wonderfully made
Looking deep into your eyes
you're beautiful, like no one else
I smile when I think about your face
you were made in My own image
Carefully, My love would finish
Forming you into who you are
I won't let you go, I'm here with you always
I'll watch you grow strong because I know
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
Long before you drew your first breath
I knew your name
Surely goodness and mercy
Will follow you forever
For you are fearfully and wonderfully made"
Only recently have I, after a long time of not, felt like God loved me. Maybe it's from being separated from my emotions in order to survive from around the time of my miscarriage... maybe it's just that I'm flawed and expect Him to be like me, I don't know. I just know that I was lying in bed praying as I nursed my baby like I do when it's bedtime and for the first time in a long time I felt really loved by God. Does this mean I wasn't before? No. But it's reassuring to feel it sometimes.
Not long after this experience, I got my kids a scripture lullaby CD (volume 1 & 2) because they fall asleep better with music and I prefer the music to be uplifting, since music is easily remembered. As I was listening to the words, this really struck my heart: "You're not here by chance, you are My design, I did well to give you life" It reinforced the feeling of being loved, with something more. Sometimes I think I'm so imperfect that, yes, He loves, but surely with reservations and certainly He couldn't love me with pride! But He does. And it's humbling. And He wants us to love each other the same way He loves us... which, once experienced, makes you understand why.
Here is the scripture lullaby with it's references:
Psalm 139:14
"...I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, Andy my soul knows it very well." NASB
Psalm 23:6
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." NKJV
Genesis 1:27
"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." NKJV
God's song to you, His child, His creation...
"Looking out into the night sky
A million stars shining down and
I can see how you'd feel so small
Don't forget I'm your Creator
You are Mine and I adore you
Nothing else moves my heart like you
You're not here by chance, you are My design
I did well to give you life
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
Long before you drew your first breath
I knew your name
Surely goodness and mercy
Will follow you forever
For you are fearfully and wonderfully made
Looking deep into your eyes
you're beautiful, like no one else
I smile when I think about your face
you were made in My own image
Carefully, My love would finish
Forming you into who you are
I won't let you go, I'm here with you always
I'll watch you grow strong because I know
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
Long before you drew your first breath
I knew your name
Surely goodness and mercy
Will follow you forever
For you are fearfully and wonderfully made"
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
There's so much in your
conversation
that isn't words.
How do I respond
to the hurt in your eyes
when your words say
"I'm fine"?
The nano-seconds
of flickering emotions
in your face
tell me you don't agree
with yourself.
Your physical self
is trying so hard
to contain the emotional.
I wish you were confident enough
to tell me with words
what you really want to say.
conversation
that isn't words.
How do I respond
to the hurt in your eyes
when your words say
"I'm fine"?
The nano-seconds
of flickering emotions
in your face
tell me you don't agree
with yourself.
Your physical self
is trying so hard
to contain the emotional.
I wish you were confident enough
to tell me with words
what you really want to say.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Exodus 2:9 And Pharaoh's daughter said unto her, Take this child away, and nurse it for me, and I will give thee thy wages. And the women took the child, and nursed it. (10) And the child grew, and she brought him unto Pharaoh's daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses: and she said, Because I drew him out of the water.
This story is much harder to read now that I have children of my own. Now I can feel the mother's anguish and desperation as she searched for any solution for the survival of her child. I can feel her joy as God miraculously made a way. Then I can see how she probably had doubts. Wouldn't a dead innocent child be better than one who grew up to defy the Holy One of Israel? And in the surroundings Moses was to grow up in, she had no way of knowing how he would choose. (Not that we ever do.) I can see how each moment of physical nurture, also became one of spiritual nurture. I can see her trying to ingrain the Torah into her child and whispering "Hear, Oh Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord" to him while he slept.
Since it was common to nurse children into the 4th year and sometimes up to the 6th, this makes this story come to life even more for me as I watch my own 4 year old. I see, now, how critical those years are for spiritual development. I see her sincere hunger for God and immeasurable faith. She teaches me about God every day. I pray that I am also teaching her the right things about Him.
This story is much harder to read now that I have children of my own. Now I can feel the mother's anguish and desperation as she searched for any solution for the survival of her child. I can feel her joy as God miraculously made a way. Then I can see how she probably had doubts. Wouldn't a dead innocent child be better than one who grew up to defy the Holy One of Israel? And in the surroundings Moses was to grow up in, she had no way of knowing how he would choose. (Not that we ever do.) I can see how each moment of physical nurture, also became one of spiritual nurture. I can see her trying to ingrain the Torah into her child and whispering "Hear, Oh Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord" to him while he slept.
Since it was common to nurse children into the 4th year and sometimes up to the 6th, this makes this story come to life even more for me as I watch my own 4 year old. I see, now, how critical those years are for spiritual development. I see her sincere hunger for God and immeasurable faith. She teaches me about God every day. I pray that I am also teaching her the right things about Him.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Proverbs 12:22-23 "Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight. A prudent man concealeth knowledge: but the heart of fools proclaimeth foolishness."
I was born with a strong desire to please people. Self-sacrifice was many times worth it if I could get affirmation. This generally meant my parent's and teachers... thankfully I was sheltered and this trait was not exploited. As I grew, this sometimes meant that in order to please someone, the story I told them would be "tailored" to them. In the beginning stages of maturity, I didn't have the discernment to know how that could easily lead to lying. Eventually, I saw what I was doing as wrong and developed a strong desire for the truth in every area of my life, even when it was painful.
First, that meant that I just didn't talk in public as much. There are too many nuances and social expectations that multiply exponentially with each added person that challenge a dedication to truth if you have not developed that trait in the public arena. It's one thing to be brutally honest with yourself, but to keep that distinction in casual conversation is often easily construed to make you appear as if you think you are better than others, or cold and unfeeling... sometimes it's just better to keep quiet when you're trying to learn to speak only in truth.
Eventually, this meant that I became a better listener. I learned to more accurately see what someone was feeling and trying to say that their words weren't conveying. I realized that people have so much built up inside of them from trying to verbally prance through the social arena where frank speaking isn't exactly encouraged, and everyone seems to just be speaking at each other with few listening, that someone who would just listen to them would eventually let them get past the fluff and tell you what they really felt. This heightened my desire to say what was true to me and to speak what I knew with conviction.
I'm still an evolving truth speaker. I constantly come away from conversations with a pricked conscience and find myself repenting, yet again, for careless words. But I'm learning, and figuring out that the next step for me is not only speaking truth, but love. Looking at others through the black and white lens of only truth is disheartening and easily becomes judgmental.
Ephesians 4:14-16
"That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love."
When I let love be the motivation behind the truth I am saying, it is a healing experience-sometimes for both of us. There will always be human error in every human gathering. My natural tendency is to isolate myself from people to minimize the room for error... and while I will never be the extrovert and will always need time for myself, I need people and God provides His grace for this. A verse that I have been clinging to that addresses this is 1 John 1:7.
"If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses every sin."
I was born with a strong desire to please people. Self-sacrifice was many times worth it if I could get affirmation. This generally meant my parent's and teachers... thankfully I was sheltered and this trait was not exploited. As I grew, this sometimes meant that in order to please someone, the story I told them would be "tailored" to them. In the beginning stages of maturity, I didn't have the discernment to know how that could easily lead to lying. Eventually, I saw what I was doing as wrong and developed a strong desire for the truth in every area of my life, even when it was painful.
First, that meant that I just didn't talk in public as much. There are too many nuances and social expectations that multiply exponentially with each added person that challenge a dedication to truth if you have not developed that trait in the public arena. It's one thing to be brutally honest with yourself, but to keep that distinction in casual conversation is often easily construed to make you appear as if you think you are better than others, or cold and unfeeling... sometimes it's just better to keep quiet when you're trying to learn to speak only in truth.
Eventually, this meant that I became a better listener. I learned to more accurately see what someone was feeling and trying to say that their words weren't conveying. I realized that people have so much built up inside of them from trying to verbally prance through the social arena where frank speaking isn't exactly encouraged, and everyone seems to just be speaking at each other with few listening, that someone who would just listen to them would eventually let them get past the fluff and tell you what they really felt. This heightened my desire to say what was true to me and to speak what I knew with conviction.
I'm still an evolving truth speaker. I constantly come away from conversations with a pricked conscience and find myself repenting, yet again, for careless words. But I'm learning, and figuring out that the next step for me is not only speaking truth, but love. Looking at others through the black and white lens of only truth is disheartening and easily becomes judgmental.
Ephesians 4:14-16
"That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love."
When I let love be the motivation behind the truth I am saying, it is a healing experience-sometimes for both of us. There will always be human error in every human gathering. My natural tendency is to isolate myself from people to minimize the room for error... and while I will never be the extrovert and will always need time for myself, I need people and God provides His grace for this. A verse that I have been clinging to that addresses this is 1 John 1:7.
"If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses every sin."
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