engulfed

It smells salty
like the ocean
and french fries-
both scents mingling
in the muggy breeze

birds chirp incessantly
as if they could procure rain
by sheer desire and volume.

angry motorcyclists
and impatient drivers
roar past tired workers:
just trying to get home.

a film of dust
gives everything a gritty perspective,
even the clouds resemble sandpaper.

things. just things.
I notice them
as my heart ponders
people and the intangible.

I wonder if my spirit
sees through a film of dust also
and how sandpapered down
my conscience is.

I wonder if the ache of missing
what can never be fulfilled here
compares to the bird's longing for rain.

If I could reach beyond this haze
and find You,
I wonder, would You look like
the people You've already placed
right in front of me?

When the sun sets
and I can no longer
see, or feel, or hear-
there- will I find peace?

It's difficult to walk
in the sand.
Be my Rock
and carry me.

there are drums
in the distance.
Please come quickly.

Romans 3

I see a series of questions and answers in Chapter 3. I think they are incrementally building towards what Paul is going for:

Paul starts this chapter with the question "what's the advantage of being a Jew?" and he then goes on to answer that with "they were entrusted with the whole revelation of God."
However, just having that revelation and letting that revelation CHANGE them were two different things. A man with a revelation who does not act on it, is no better off than the man with no revelation at all. Sinning is never right, even if it highlights God's holiness. There's a reason he chose to use the church as the main way for reaching the world, and we should be reflecting HIM not our own sin to highlight Him. Doing the works of the law without a faith in the God that law reveals to you is a dead religion. I think this is where Paul begins the balancing act between faith and works of the law. Why is the revelation of God important? Because HE, not the law, was what would actually make the way for salvation by actually taking our sins away and not just showing us how sinful we were.

Our sin is examined in the next question he poses, "should we conclude that Jews are better than others?" He answered with "no, because no one is righteous, Jew or Gentile." Receiving a revelation does not make the receiver better than others, only MORE RESPONSIBLE. I think this goes back to the thought that says "of whom much is given, much is required." The Jews were given the law, and through it, were required to do many things... but these things ultimately worked to their benefit in many ways, and especially if they let it lead them to a faith in God, especially when Jesus came fulfilling that law.

(A side note here, is that Paul keeps bringing up dishonesty and lying in his examples. The first answer is attached to the example of a "dishonest person highlighting the truthfulness of God." The second question is answered with a quote from scripture that says "Their tongues are filled with lies." This reminds me of James 3:2 "Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way." Sin is, again, linked to the tongue... Interesting how The Bible highlights the use of words in different mediums for judgement- but actions for reconciliation. The law, the book of life, the spoken words of the Pharisees- but then mercy triumphs over judgment with Jesus' one action of extreme obedience.)

Then in verse 19 I see some things that give me questions:

19 Obviously, the law applies to those to whom it was given, for its purpose is to keep people from having excuses, and to show that the entire world is guilty before God. 20 For no one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands. The law simply shows us how sinful we are.

I see two things here. First, the law was given to the Jews, but it shows the guilt of the entire world. Apparently, then, it applies to Jews, but if it shows the guilt of all, does that mean all will be judged by the law? Didn't Paul say in the previous chapter that those who have the law will be judged by the law but that those without the law will perish? So then, the law doesn't make anyone right, but it judges. It applies to those it was given to, who will be judged by it, and those without it will also be shown guilty by it and perhaps perish. If the point of the law was to teach us how to do things correctly and to show us how sinful we are, but not to save us, would you say that the law is the morality of God, the right and wrong balance that we are given only as a backdrop to help pattern our lives and show us how desperately hopeless we are without something more... and that something more would be the drive we need to get to faith in Jesus?



27 Can we boast, then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No, because our acquittal is not based on obeying the law. It is based on faith. 28 So we are made right with God through faith and not by obeying the law.

There is nothing we can do that will compensate for our sin enough for us to be in the presence of a holy God. So here's what I think I see? Works never make us right, but they do make us more wrong? We are born in sin and continue sinning and the law exists to show us how bad we are compared to righteousness so that we can ONLY give credit for our salvation to Jesus.


His next question is:

29 After all, is God the God of the Jews only? Isn’t he also the God of the Gentiles? Of course he is. 30 There is only one God, and he makes people right with himself only by faith, whether they are Jews or Gentiles. Whether you have the law or not, then, you must have faith to be made right... but what initiates in faith then continues on into good works, not to earn salvation, but to please God out of a heart motivated by love for Him. Faith saves, the law guides.


And he continues with:

31 Well then, if we emphasize faith, does this mean that we can forget about the law? Of course not! In fact, only when we have faith do we truly fulfill the law.

The whole point of the law is to lead us into a deeper relationship with Christ, ultimately, but you have to have faith to take the first step. The law proves that we can do NOTHING on our own, and our reliance on Christ, our understanding that we have to completely die to ourselves and live through His Spirit, leaves us not relying on the law for salvation, only on Christ.

The law and faith work together: The law proves that we need Christ, who we only can accept through faith, and then, only through faith will we take the steps to study the law to better understand God's nature and learn discernment and His ideas for morality, right/wrong. Doing those things then shouldn't increase our pride in ourselves, but highlight just how much more we have to live through faith because the law is consistently reminding us of how sinful we are on our own.... and the circle of thought continues wheeling around in this pattern. If I were to draw this out, I would make a circle with arrows pointing at how faith influences the works of the law which then influences faith which then..... I think you get the point of how I see it in my head.

Romans 2:12-29

¹² When the Gentiles sin, they will be destroyed, even though they never had God’s written law. And the Jews, who do have God’s law, will be judged by that law when they fail to obey it. ¹³ For merely listening to the law doesn’t make us right with God. It is obeying the law that makes us right in his sight. ¹⁴ Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. ¹⁵ They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. ¹⁶ And this is the message I proclaim—that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life.

So, basically, God's law exists, both in words and in the conscience of man, and man, when left in an environment where he can listen to his own conscience, intrinsically knows right and wrong, though he may not always choose the correct way?

Something puzzling, then, I find here: "27 In fact, uncircumcised Gentiles who keep God’s law will condemn you Jews who are circumcised and possess God’s law but don’t obey it." At first this seems paradoxical: how can you keep the law by not being circumcised, which was a part of the law that you are keeping? Is this where it is meaning you keep the heart issues behind the law as opposed to the legalistic letter of the law? How can you possess a law you do not obey? 

The Jews had the Law, they kept the law, etc. but then they rejected Jesus Christ who came to fulfill the law in that He came to make it complete--to make it not just a ritual obedience, but add love, mercy, forgiveness and to be the sacrifice so that we can be observers of the law without having to sacrifice an animal every-time we sin.

Circumcision was a sign for men to know that they were Law-keepers, but if they accepted Jesus Christ and they started obeying the Law out of love for God instead of as a work to atone for themselves, the physical sign of circumcision lost its importance. Instead of taking off a part of their flesh, more importantly Jesus came so that we would have the power to die to all of our flesh. We see this addressed in Acts 15:10 when Peter addressed the sect of (probably) Pharisees who were trying to force the Gentiles to be circumcised as a work to earn salvation:

¹⁰ So why are you now challenging God by burdening the Gentile believers^]"[b] with a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors were able to bear? ¹¹ We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.”

There is something between possession of the law and obedience of the law that we have to grasp. It is addressed in verse 29:

"29 No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people."

The law changed the flesh and modified the outward signs of obedience. Love for God changes the heart before it is ever manifested in our actions.

If I'm honest about my struggles, one of the greatest lessons I feel God has been teaching me this past year is how to love other people.This verse really hit a nerve. A changed heart can love others without needing it back from them because it is only reflecting what God has already given us. It is not seeking praise or affirmation from other people. This is too easy to put into words and not to practice. Especially lately, God has brought people into my life that He has used to help me see His love through them instead of only judgment, (and yes, now I can see so many ways it was there all along.) The next step seems to be finding ways to show that to other people... which is not what comes naturally in the face of judgment! But it all boils down to this: Love isn't deserved. It just is. God gives it without any earning and He expects the same from us toward others... in fact, He gives/gave it while actively hated. If need be, He wants us to go that far, too. I'm learning what a proud, selfish and fearful person I am and how so much of that is able to change if I let God mold my life instead of closing myself off in a shell... and learn to "seek praise from God, not from people."

This portion of Romans challenges us to question our own motives. Whose praise are we seeking? If we truly seek God's praise, it will then be manifested in our actions... and the  only way to truly achieve this is through a heart that has been changed by God's Spirit. I am convinced that this heart change is a process of God pruning things by degrees and carefully eliminating self until we are made into this form of "true circumcision."

Romans 2:1-11

The end of chapter 1 listed so many things that people do when they fail to acknowledge God and give Him the place He deserves in their lives, and all of it goes back to a worship of something other than God, sometimes literal idols, sometimes self, in His place. So, when chapter 2 begins with:
"You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things." we can see that anyone who judges struggles with putting themselves in the place of God as well... so by judging, we become a type of idolator.
We know that the only one with the right to judge is God: ⁵ ... "For a day of anger is coming, when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. ⁶ He will judge everyone according to what they have done." and we should never take this place. This is also shown in verse 8:  But he will pour out his anger and wrath on those who live for themselves, who refuse to obey the truth and instead live lives of wickedness." Living for self also implies putting one's self in the place of God... and we all are guilty of this at some point in our lives.

⁴ Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?
I wish I could see this verse manifested in the life of some of the people I love. If they could ever really see just how balanced and gentle God's nature is, it could revolutionize their view of love and then the way they interact with others. Of course, I say this realizing that there's so much I don't even understand yet, but I want to, and I want to find a way to share it with them, too. God is kind. Who knew?

^"9 There will be trouble and calamity for everyone who keeps on doing what is evil—for the Jew first and also for the Gentile.^{a]"[a] 10} But there will be glory and honor and peace from God for all who do good—for the Jew first and also for the Gentile. ¹¹ For God does not show favoritism."
I have to admit that I find these verses paradoxical... like the argument that "anything separate is inherently unequal," something being "first" and it not showing favoritism goes against what we would consider "fair" in our understanding. But we also know that we do not see the whole picture and that in reality, we don't deserve anything but judgment, whether first or otherwise, and that God can not be unjust.

The last part of verse 7, then, shows what we should be motivated to: ⁷ He will give eternal life to those who keep on doing good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers.

Romans 1:18-32

¹⁸ But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.^{[i] 19} They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. ²⁰ For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.²¹ Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks.

So what I hear being said here is that God exists, you can tell this just by studying nature and more than just his mere existence, you can see his "eternal power and divine nature," or, that this world was created by someone not bound by time or human constraints. Because it is so obvious in nature that God exists, the question isn't then "does God exist" but rather "how will I acknowledge this God that exists?" Paul says that these people knew He was there, but denied His deity and were not grateful for His blessings.

Isn't that normally how it works? Pride inhibits gratefulness which leads to denying God His rightful place in our lives. Ouch.

Paul has some very strong words here against particular sins. He goes from atheism and idolatry to homosexuality and "every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip."

This makes me wonder if the Romans in particular were struggling with this in their society? "So God abandoned them" are some very chilling words. " ³² They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too."

Doesn't it always seem to be that misery and sin love company? Where when one person goes down the slope of abandonment of God, they try to drag as many people with them as they can.

I suppose then, our challenge is to do the opposite: as we climb  the pathway trying to become more like God, we should show His love to as many of those around us as we can and try to take THEM with us!

There are a lot of serious thoughts in this portion of the 1st chapter.

Romans 1:8-17

Reading verses 8-11 shows how much Paul really cared for the people he was writing to. This verse reminds me of special people:
^9" For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers;"And then I like verse 12:
 ¹² When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.
This seems to be a good goal to have for when two groups/individual believers get together. It's amazing how God uses people to encourage each other.
¹³ I want you to know, dear brothers and sisters,^[e] that I planned many times to visit you, but I was prevented until now. I want to work among you and see spiritual fruit, just as I have seen among other Gentiles. ¹⁴ For I have a great sense of obligation to people in both the civilized world and the rest of the world,^[f] to the educated and uneducated alike. ¹⁵ So I am eager to come to you in Rome, too, to preach the Good News.

So was Rome considered an uncivilized and uneducated place or the opposite? Do you Paul is speaking particularly about education in the ways of God, or every area in general? Do you think the Romans were offended by these words from Paul?

¹⁶ For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes—the Jew first and also the Gentile.^[g] 

Living in a country that is not founded in Christianity, (though I know this is changing in the States,) still makes the "not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ" come a little more to life and maybe helps understand Paul's context a little better... most of his environment wasn't  founded in Christianity, either, but coming from either Judaism or paganism.

¹⁷ This Good News tells us how God makes us right in his sight. This is accomplished from start to finish by faith. As the Scriptures say, “It is through faith that a righteous person has life.”^[h]

So God makes us right in His sight through things we learn in His word and then act on by our faith...  not that it's based on works, but that the faith in the word helps us put action to those words. Paul then concludes that this faith impacts the ability of a righteous person to have life. The KJV says it this way:

^{17 "}For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith."

It makes sense to me that the KJV uses the word "just" because that implies a higher moral nature, something intangible which takes faith to even begin to comprehend. Based on natural desires and what a person is institutionally born with, "just" is on an opposite level.


This portion of scripture leaves me with these questions to apply to life:

• Am I encouraging others in faith and coming together with other believers so that their faith can also encourage me?
• Am I ashamed of the news of Jesus Christ? When I am, do I really realize the power that this message holds and what it means for the hearer?
• Do I recognize how much my spiritual life is dependent upon faith? While it's easy to desire tangible evidence of things, God doesn't operate this way and this is the very basis of my ability to even approach Him.

Romans 1:1-7

I find it interesting how Paul identifies himself :

• a slave of Christ Jesus,
• chosen by God to be
• an apostle and
• sent out to preach his Good News.

He then identifies what this Good News is specifically:

 ² God promised this Good News long ago through his prophets in the holy Scriptures. ³ The Good News is about his Son. In his earthly life he was born into King David’s family line, ⁴ and he was shown to be^[a] the Son of God when he was raised from the dead by the power of the Holy Spirit.^[b] He is Jesus Christ our Lord.

 Paul is highlighting that Jesus was both before David and the son of David. Revelation 5:5 calls Christ the "root of David." And root obviously comes before fruit:

Revelation 5:5 And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof.

But we know that the New Testament also calls him the son (or offspring, fruit,) of David:

Matthew 1:1

The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.

I just found it interesting how all of this tied together to show how Christ existed before the family line that He chose to use to come to Earth.

⁵ Through Christ, God has given us the privilege^[c] and authority as apostles to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey him, bringing glory to his name.

⁶ And you are included among those Gentiles who have been called to belong to Jesus Christ.

Verses 5-6 share Paul's burden with ALL who are called. When Paul identified himself as a slave, he identified his purpose in life as obedience. He then shows how the first step for ANYONE coming to God must be belief and then obedience as well. The second way Paul identified himself to the church was as one who was chosen by God, and he then shares that identity with the Gentiles saying that they also " have been called to belong to Jesus Christ."  Paul last identified himself as an apostle sent to preach the Good News, and we know this is ultimately what every Christian is called to do, though maybe in different ways

⁷ I am writing to all of you in Rome who are loved by God and are called to be his own holy people.

Is there anything more special than knowing how undeserving we are and yet seeing how God calls us to be His own holy people? What does holy mean to you?

Being holy is impossible with our nature... Until we die to the flesh and live through Christ. And we can't even WANT to do that as humans on our own!  

For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13 KJV)

I see 'holy' as separated unto God. So holy conduct would acknowledge that I am not my own and wholeheartedly follow after what God wanted to do with my life. It would be set aside exclusively for God.
I pray the ending of this verse for you:

May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.

A Memory of Character

As a young, inexperienced, college reporter needing to do a last minute feature piece: I had to find someone to interview and write about. This meant actually interacting with people,which was painful, and beyond that, finding one out of so many options who was news worthy. The piano student who hung around the music and arts buildings telling flashy stories was an easy choice. With a seemingly endless amount of choices and no idea where to start, people who want so badly to be written about are an easy choice... but I know that in retrospect.
He had dramatic descriptions of himself and his hobbies. He liked attention. He spun his own ideas out for the story he wanted told about himself. But, no story is complete on its subject's word, it needs quotes from reliable sources in order to be credible. His fellow piano student seemed like a good source for a quote about him in that arena, and the one I asked. I remember this student's guarded expression, and carefully selected, complimentary words, but didn't connect the reasons until afterwards.
Later, the piano teacher informed us that the student we had actually written a story about wasn't half as good as he made himself out to be, and what he lacked in talent he made up for in being pompous, dramatic and loud. The other student who had given a quote about him was the better student, actually the best piano player at the college, there on an exclusive scholarship, and certainly more newsworthy.
What I remember and appreciate now, was this quoted student's character. He did not use his quote as an opportunity to talk bad about the first guy nor turn it into an opportunity to talk about himself.

It might have been brought to mind from studying this passage in James:
^1:26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.

2 Timothy 2: What to do and NOT to do

I think we could put 2 Timothy 2 into two columns of things to pursue and do and  things to avoid. It's like a very deep lesson in growing in character His way and avoiding ungodliness.

To Do: Be strong through the grace that God gives you through Jesus, teach truths to other trustworthy people who can pass them on, endure suffering as a good soldier, be a good worker, present yourself to God, correctly explain the word of truth, keep yourself pure, live a clean life, turn away from evil, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love and peace, enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts, :) be kind to everyone, be able to teach, be patient with difficult people, gently instruct those who oppose the truth

Avoid: Foolish talk, God-less behavior, anything that stimulates youthful lusts, don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights, do not quarrel

1 Timothy 2:1; Communicating with God

"I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men;" 1 Timothy 2:1

I found it interesting that Paul saw the need to clarify that we need to be doing ALL of these types of communicating with God—he didn’t just say “pray”…I looked the words up in a Bible that marks key words with definitions in the back from the original Greek or Hebrew and then tried to find examples of these different forms of communication in the Bible.
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(Supplications KJV) Entreaties

 Merriam Webster: a serious request for something

When I look up "supplications" in the KJV versions, all of the verses that appear with this word have the ring of desperation in them. Job, David, Daniel and  repentant, sorry Israel all offer supplications to God, seriously asking for help.
Psalm 28:2
Hear the voice of my supplications, when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands toward thy holy oracle. 
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Prayers

 Merriam Webster: words spoken to God especially in order to give thanks or to ask for something

The immediate example that comes to mind is how Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:
^"9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.¹⁰ Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.¹¹ Give us this day our daily bread. ¹² And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.¹³ And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."
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(Intercessions KJV) Petitions 1783

 Merriam Webster: formal : a prayer or request to God or to a very powerful person or group

In the KJV it is the word intercession, and that word always has someone pleading the case of another person or group of people before the powerful one:

1. Jeremiah 27:18
   But if they be prophets, and if the word of the LORD be with them, let them now make intercession to the LORD of hosts, that the vessels which are left in the house of the LORD, and in the house of the king of Judah, and at Jerusalem, go not to Babylon.
   
2. Jeremiah 36:25
   Nevertheless Elnathan and Delaiah and Gemariah had made intercession to the king that he would not burn the roll: but he would not hear them.

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Thanksgiving
Merriam Webster: a prayer that expresses thanks to God

I think a LOT of the Psalms fits into this category!
Psalm 26:7
That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.
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So I see these as meaning we should ask God for what we need (supplication,) acknowledge Him, His will, and greater plan in daily communication (prayer,) go to spiritual warfare on behalf of those who are lost or fighting around us (intercession,) and express our gratitude and appreciation to God in everything (thanksgiving!)

1 Timothy 1; The Goal of the Law

1 Timothy 1:5-10
"4Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do. 5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned: 6 From which some having swerved have turned aside unto vain jangling; 7 Desiring to be teachers of the law; understanding neither what they say, nor whereof they affirm. 8 But we know that the law is good, if a man use it lawfully; 9 Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, 10 For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;"

"How does one lawfully use the law?" is the question that naturally arises from this information. From this selection, there are several things I think we can gather, the first thing I see is this:

1. The end goal of our use of the law should be charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned. Here, I see a uniting of the Old and New Testaments again, where the physical of the Old is working towards thoughts, intents and motivations in the New. I wonder, though, why did Paul stretch this out into three different qualities instead of just one? I think the Bible defines these three that he mentions: heart, conscience and faith (I'm underlining the part of the verse I think is defining) and that by digging deeper I can understand this verse better:
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Pure heart: 
Psalm 24:4 He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.
Merriam Webster:
Pure: free from what vitiates, weakens, or pollutes (2) : containing nothing that does not properly belong.
Heart: "the central or innermost part"
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Good conscience:
Hebrews 13:18 Pray for us: for we trust we have a good conscience, in all things willing to live honestly.
Merriam Webster:
Conscience: "the sense or consciousness of the moral goodness or blameworthiness of one's own conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling of obligation to do right or be good"
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Sincere faith: (faith unfeigned) This seems to always be combined with "pure heart." Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Merriam Webster
sincere: "whole, pure, genuine," and
faith: "firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust"
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So I would read it like this: We are to show love to others that is clean, undirtied all the way to our innermost being, (pure heart) with the active desire to do right, (good conscience) and this love should genuinely believe in God's plan (sincere faith) for them.

In my opinion, a pure heart addresses how we approach others to love them. Good conscience seems to address what keeps us balanced and continuing to extend this pure love (and not eventually warping it) and sincere faith addresses our attitude towards their future and belief in God's ultimate good plan for them.

May I learn to approach others with  a pure heart, good conscience and sincere faith.

2. We should not desire to know the law out of pride, to get respect as a "teacher of the law," but instead, to draw closer to God for ourselves... pride turns into "vain jangling, ministering questions" and not "godly edifying in faith." With that basis, I see this statement addressing the motivations, showing how the pride and control behind the desire to teach forfeits what is taught because it is done in the wrong spirit, one that goes against the whole spirit of the law: "Desiring to be teachers of the law; understanding neither what they say, nor whereof they affirm." One can't teach the writings that point us away from ourselves and to the betterment of others while at the same time trying to lift up oneself with the very act of teaching.

3. Righteousness and sound doctrine do not need the law, but only because they already follow it, as far as I can understand. I see this part as saying on should use the law to address what is sin, not to, as Jesus accused the Pharisees, burden men with loads they themselves would not carry.

The balance between knowledge and love.

Lately I have been pondering Philippians 1:9:

 "And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment;".

It's difficult for me to think of love within the context of knowledge and judgement, (which to me means understanding and discernment...) but it makes such balanced sense.  It's very easy to separate the intellect from the heart and create robotic, logic-only-based creatures who ignore intuition and "the weightier matters of the law" like love. 1 Corinthians 8:1-3 warns of the knowledge that "puffs people up" and continues to exhort us to be humble.

 "... Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.² And if any man think that he knoweth any thing, he knoweth nothing yet as he ought to know.³ But if any man love God, the same is known of him."

Conversely, the other extreme of trusting only in feelings and what we perceive is love without the balance of knowledge and judgment leads to people doing wrong things for what they think are right reasons, "casting their pearls before swine" so to speak.

Blair Adams in the book Building Christian Character writes of this balance: "... each part of our being must fulfill its highest potential of oneness in  proper God-ordained relationships with everything around us given to us by God; for we know that nature abhors a vacuum, and whatever in our lives remains unfulfilled through these divine and living patterns of oneness, then the flesh, the world or the devil will move to fill (Luke 11:23-26). If we do not find the meaning for our minds or emotions in the purpose of God, we will look for it in the world and its zeitgeist. So we cannot really hope to guard ourselves in the negative sense without also fulfilling ourselves in the positive sense." (Bold emphasis mine.)

God is balanced. He encourages moderation in all things; this one is a refreshing place for me to strive for improvement. I fear there are not enough good examples of "love abounding in knowledge and judgement."

Reconciled

This morning I was reading Colossians and I came to this passage and just had to stop and think a while: Colossians 1:21-25

^"21 And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled ²² In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight:²³ If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister;"

I felt like this described how I felt in Guatemala. Isn't it a bit disconcerting, but perhaps necessary, that one can grow up learning about and be full of the "knowledge" of God but not really have the heart motivation or love of Him? I see this sort of the difference between training and discipline in some ways, if you are only raised with discipline and no training, you learn to fear the stimulus that is used to control you, but not really understand the motivation behind it... even if the people using it do it out of love and wanting to protect you. Whatever we don't learn keeps cycling back to us, including serving God from the heart out. God challenges our motivations and shakes our foundations until we find where we need to settle for ourselves what we accepted as true from another. In Guatemala those words say exactly how I felt towards God: alienated and an enemy in my mind. It was a peak in cynicism, which I feel is another way to say "enemy in my mind" and because of so many cultural reasons within the church there, one of the most isolated or "alienated" times.

I'm so thankful for the grace that made this next part applicable: "yet now hath he reconciled ²² In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight." I'm not holy. I'm blameable. He went through death to change that when I didn't and could never deserve it. When I die to self and live to Him, He makes me holy, unblameable, unreproveable: on my own impossible!

The last part sounds as a reminder, a warning of what to hold close: "...continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven." I find it interesting that it's the HOPE of the gospel... the very part I was so cynical about. Hope seems to be one of the first casualties of cynicism. I also appreciate the paradoxical image of faith, a purported flighty thing in society, being grounded and settled. I have been bombarded lately with the fact that God is balanced. He requires faith, something not based on logic and empirical proof, to be grounded and settled. Everything working together to bring us to a pinpointed, God-forseen, balanced place of righteousness. 

I once was lost, but now I'm found... in Him.

Memorials and Monuments

Rulers throughout history
have built proud monuments
trying to avoid being forgotten
in this physical world.

You have chosen to
build a memorial of prayers
before God; who stores every tear:
eternal.

Some plant seeds
hoping to inspire care
for the future generations
of this abused Earth.

You plant seeds of Truth
hoping to inspire future generations
to care for their easily-broken
eternal perspective.

Some hoard treasures
leaving behind fortunes
that in the end
have finite impact and benefit

You invest in souls,
storing up incorruptible
treasures in heaven;
Permanent. Infinite.

Physical and spiritual dance
together in this life.
But only one will dance forever.
You have chosen to impact forever.

Gaze

Some things 
force one's gaze down
to see even more of ourselves.
Surely that is easier than
seeing the rejection, fear and sadness
in a fellow human's eyes.

Some things
force one's gaze out
Defiance as a fist:
as if the eye could push away;
Grace as a handshake:
accepting that we can't afford,
but offering anyway.

Some things
force one's gaze up:
Worship, need, dependance, questioning:
conversations and mud fights
with God.

Sight begins inside,
accelerating from the x axis in avoidance
perpendicular to the y axis in defiance, acceptance.
You can trace the gaze back to the heart.

The fulcrum of our circumstances
with the counterweight of self, or selflessness,
determines the degree of our gaze.

Steep

Your Word, to me
like a cup of tea

the more I meditate,
and let it steep:

the more potent result,

bitter* in my belly-

changing motivations.
Sipping, savoring, becoming.

------------------------------------------
* Rev 10:10; Matt 26:41

I was.

Like a rainbow in the desert
Your grace on an unthankful heart.
A promise in an ironic setting:
Skeptic of Your perfect balance;
Your rain of spirit on parched truth
I was.
And cracked ground
That couldn't absorb
Without a long, gentle rain that
Muddied all of my assumptions
With the incomprehensiveness of You.
But now, things can grow
And roots can find a home.

Let Your Word grow down deep
And produce fruit:
A testimony of Your grace.

Romans on Grace

As I am studying Romans chapters 5-8, the first thing I have to admit is that there's so much I don't understand about grace, and have never understood... but it's starting to make sense. These chapters explain how our body is dead through the law, (which was made to combat sin,) and how the law could not bring life, but that Jesus' death provides us with the atonement we need and the grace to have life through Christ. I felt like my spirit was drinking these passages, do you know what I mean?

This verse in particular stood out to me: Romans 8:33-34 "Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us."

Maybe it's my personality filtering what I've always heard, but I've heard so much that sounds more like condemnation from the law than exhortation to live to Christ through His grace. For some reason that really stood out to me. Yes, I have sin and the law requires death for sin, but because of Jesus' atonement I have this option: I, who was dead anyhow, can die totally to my sin, joining Christ in death, and forgo the preoccupation of society with tangible and physical pleasure and instead choose to live by the Spirit as a servant of Jesus (which is what is real anyhow, the physical is a mirage.)

Paul is complicated, and in the past that made it harder to pay attention to all of the details that keep stacking up after commas in his verses, but this time I felt like God opened my understanding to things that, while I have heard, I didn't really GRASP. There's so much about grace that I still don't understand, but a little at a time is still nice progress.

May you sense His grace on you today,

The Comfort Zone Exodus

Every time I read Exodus, I'm shocked by how the children of Israel didn't want to leave Egypt. This is exhibited in their attitudes the whole way to the promised land. It makes sense as a type, because many people do not want to leave sin because of its momentary pleasure that is even biblically supported, but I'm always surprised that they felt that way in the literal sense.

Then I think of how Egypt was all that they had ever known. The ancient people of their history who had come there were only stories. What did they have to look forward to? What proof did they have that it existed? Remembering these things, it's not so surprising that they wanted to stay. Human nature bows to the law of inertia. Even when an environment is unpleasant, it can be preferred to the less threatening psychological fear of the unknown. Fighting for a cause that demands physical and psychological sacrifice requires one to be completely committed.The children of Israel weren't. By the same thought, many times, neither am I. If something gets uncomfortable or pushes me to do something involving an emotional or spiritual risk, pride and fear combine to make a very strong noose for the challenge.

The over simplified answer of "why would the children of Israel NOT want to leave a physically, emotionally and spiritually abusive environment" becomes a lot scarier and closer to home when looked at in depth. What am I attached to in my environment that I wouldn't want to give up for God to the point that it could be spiritually crippling? Am I ready to do anything more, or am I still so spiritually immature that any thought of change makes me cling to my spiritual comfort blanket and pacifier? Why would I give up my inferior, but familiar surroundings and attitudes for some nebulous better that requires sacrifice and faith?

We were never called to be complacent place holders. We are needed to make a difference in the world. It is necessary to pray for God to give a desire to move beyond what we're comfortable with, because without commitment we will quickly run back to where we're unchallenged. I will readily admit that I am weak and pitifully human without Him. A prayer for desire is sure to get answered, so one must be ready to cling to Him instead of the brain's channels of habit that we will otherwise quickly divert to. Fear is a great controller and so is pride. But we have a higher calling crafted by one whose very nature is love, and love trumps fear every time. And the adventure is waiting.

Gentleness

Lately I've been drawn to work on the area of gentleness. This verse in particular has been standing out to me:

Ephesians 4:2 "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."
It is often easier to be objective with other people's children than with my own, it seems. Gentleness has never been a strength of mine, but Colossians 3:12-14 defines it as a necessary character trait of anyone who would be God's:
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." So if gentleness should be evident to all... that includes my own children.

It's so easy to get caught up in meeting goals I have for myself and for my household and I forget the more important intangible ones I have for our children's development of character- which is largely learned by example. Even good goals like having a clean house, timely supper and schoolwork finished, when made the primary focus of being home with my children instead of the more important role of discipling them to be like Christ through the classroom of life that includes those household chores- things are unbalanced and gentleness is left as I rush to take hold of the habitually comfortable trophy of "finished work" over a teaching moment.

Something I am learning from the Filipino culture at church is their extreme love and gentleness with their children. Sometimes this is taken to the level of not having much expected from them and lax discipline in many areas, (and I realize that balance is needed on both ends of this spectrum!) but I haven't been around this child-friendly of a culture before. It has made me think of my own expectations that I have for my children... and realize that many times I am holding them to the same unfair standards that I have for myself. Perfection isn't possible, especially when you're still learning and there are enough fair expectations that are hard enough to fulfill!. It seems to me that the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.") are all counter natural reflexes and that Godly balance is key...

God has such a compassionate way of tugging us in the right direction when He has every right to be harsh. I don't understand, but I'm grateful for the way He uses life and people around me to gently teach me when I'm willing to listen.

Lord, help me listen and learn.