life and "life"

Reality has a choke hold on "life"
unless we die to self
and join the authentic living.

It's hard to stay dead...
and the claustrophobic flailing
when I "wake"

is confusing

until I remember:

It's not about "me."
It's about us.

I'm part of a bigger story
than "my story."

If I let Him,
the Master Author
will finish it the way
I don't even know I want.
And with life.

My rough drafts
meander
and if followed through
just die a different way.

I can die now
or later.

It's a mixed up swirling of
life and "life"
of death and "death."

Real life only comes
after death to self.

Choose:

Die in fear a thousand times
living to self...

or die to self
and live vibrant.

While still in the States, I began feeling a very heavy sense that our coming to the Middle East was going to be for a reason, and not an easy one. The night before our flight here I couldn't sleep and the only thing I could think that would bring peace was "to live is Christ, to die is gain." I felt that I must be prepared to literally die, and not only to the flesh. That feeling has only increased since being here. If nothing else, it has honed my spiritual senses to how important it is to be crucified with Christ.

There have been several prophesies throughout churches (of differing denominations) in the Middle East that agree that the Middle East is on the verge of massive war like it has never seen and church persecution, but that God and His church are going to persevere. I realize that this is not surprising news.

While I have read Revelation, it has always been confusing and way over my head and I've never chosen to read it. However, lately it seems like God has been drawing me to read it and particularly drawing my attention to these verses: "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death" Rev 12:11

Revelations: 13:10 "He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints."


My particular challenge is not to reconcile myself with the thought of death, but rather to release my fear for my children.

I realize that they belong to God first. The story of Moses is much harder to read now that I have children of my own. Like I've said, I can see how his mother probably had doubts. Wouldn't a dead innocent child be better than one who grew up to defy the Holy One of Israel? And in the surroundings Moses was to grow up in, she had no way of knowing how he would choose. (Not that we ever do.)I feel like my children are in a similar environment but there's still only so much they are able to grasp right now.


My prayer right now is that God will/has started a work in their little hearts and that this will continue: "...Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:5-6