I live with a strong suspicion
that everything I do is wrong
but that I can do it wrong
better than anyone else.

I live with the strong suspicion
that I can't interact well with others
because I'm missing some integral link,
but my words can somehow make a difference.

I live with the strong suspicion that
Suspicions are based on
Fear, Lies and Selfishness;
and it's not really about me.

When I choose to replace suspicion with faith
I have instead, assurance:
He will use all things for
my good: His glory.

I´ve been thinking a lot about faith lately, trying to break down this nebulous and stretched out word into what I think it really is; which, is a fallable process in and of itself. If I had to put it into non-church-speak language, I would call it "optimism without a necessary catalyst." Or, perhaps, "belief in the positive final results."

However one is going to have faith, it must be towards some goal or purpose. There has to be something to hope for. Living in Guatemala has emphasized differences between socially reasonable things to hope for in comparison to the United States norms that exist. People here do not have many of the things viewed as necessary to survive in the States. Stoves, washing machines, air conditioners, hot water heaters, dryers, health insurance, health itself, and a variety of foods are all considered luxuries when compared to the simple fight for survival the majority of Guatemalans are faced with. When I think of people who think they are going through a major trial when their hot water heater goes out, it makes me wonder what we use our faith for. Do we think that problems won´t come if we have faith? I have been guilty of having the frame of thought that just because I have faith I shouldn´t go through problems. I knew realistically that it was not true, but that´s what many of my assumptions were based on. This emphasis, then, was on how faith can not be based on physical comfort, but on something that will not fluctuate with situations, something concrete and eternal. Sort of the "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1.

Perhaps this is a beginning step for all believers along the faith journey: maturing to the point that faith is something that exists independant from one´s circumstances. Really, when I break it all down, what I ultimately have faith for is that in the end, justice will be served. I have faith that we live in a world of consequences, though some are delayed. I have faith that one day all things will be leveled. That good and evil will both receive their just rewards. Hebrews 11:6 says "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." And, when it comes down to it, that is what I have faith for. I know that God is. I know He will reward all things eventually.

This as a framework for my life produces different motivations than a passive approach to faith where it is used as a cushy shield around my life to ward of problems. We know problems will come. This is definite and backed up by scripture. We also know that they will shape us, and that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28. Though that good might not be seen now, though injustice and unbalanced corrupt things thrive now, I have faith that justice is coming.