¿Cómo es posible
dar la luz,
si no tengas
luz
que dar?

En busca de la luz
soy.

Sé que hay luz
que existe
fuera de mi vista

¿Cómo la doy?

Quizás:

-no importa si la veo yo,
-con inocencia
pueden alcanzarla
los que vienen de mi.

baby kicks
remind of the future
in the middle of today;

a squirming mass of
will be
pokes its foot in my side.

perhaps that's why I move
a bit slower

I'm living in two moments:
right now and
then.

Somedays I feel like
my routine
went on a blind date
with a guillotine.

Do you know how hard it can be to find a long, modest skirt? If you want to add cute to the list of adjectives, it gets exponentially more difficult. NewCreation Apparel has many of these elusive skirts! Even better, they have them in maternity styles!
The only thing that would make this better is if they were giving a skirt away.
Oh, wait. They are! Here... go check it out.
Giveaway ends Friday, September 16.

The process of birth
the stages
the effects
leave marks on the body.

But I'm finding
they are imprinted
just as strongly
on my mind.

I have stretch marks
from memories...
growing pains,
mental labor.

Sometimes it is more painful,
more fearful
than the physical.
It can cycle over, and over.

There are so many emotional ties.
So many things to forgive
of myself.
So many blessings to relive.

How does one mentally
prepare for birth?

I've heard that women have the
sensitive spirit of horses:

That we do not trust easily.

That we survive under heavy saddles,
bridles, reigns;
That we thrive on freedom.

That it is better to let us approach cautiously
and learn to love you,
than to force a bond prematurely.

That we have beauty
masking strength.

Why is death less terrifying
than birth?

I hate the thought of laziness.

Death is free falling, uncontrollable, gone.
Birth is wracking, pushing, consistency.

Is it psychological?
It must be.
Death is only ceasing to be,
but birth is bringing about
a whole new being.

If stated in those terms,
I will not,
can not afford to
be beaten by fear.

And I'm certainly not lazy.

Similes that made me smile: More 5th grade poetry...

Looking at the window on a Sunday night
Stars are shining like neon lights
Then all of a sudden to my delight
My eye caught something like lightning bright
It was the fireworks from a nearby site
To please the crowd on that Sunday night.

Geo I.



Roses are red
The lions are yellow
The world is colorful
but my heart is as dark
as a closed room at night.

Omri U.



My big, purple book is as fat
as a gray elephant.
It could eat as much as a lion
if it were alive.
I can use it like a barrier
it is so big.
An elephant may come and say-
"A purple elephant!"
If he sees my big purple book.

Sabrina T.



The night is like a jewel today
but we don´t know how tomorrow will be.
Let´s hope tomorrow will be the same,
as like this night´s jewel.

Laura G.



Winter is as cold as Antarctic.
Summer is as hot as the sun.
Fall is as brown as the leaves.
Spring is as pleasant as
a garden full of flowers.

Santiago S.

Who learns more?
The teacher or the taught.

Part of what is to be learned
is how to learn.
The process,
not the result.

If a teacher is not learning,
is not willing to be taught:
The class room becomes
a stifled mirror of that attitude.

But,

If the teacher is the most avid pupil,
learning as natural as breathing:
Then teaching is more than a subject.
It becomes a life long process:

Of soaking in information, finding meaning
and enriching life.

We were studying metaphors this week and I had the students think up 5 metaphors and write a short freestyle poem with one of them. These two I really liked, for different reasons:

The roses flew
with the wind in the field
and I was thrown to the ground.
Then a rose asked me
"What happened friend?"
And I responded
"My heart got broken
and my spirit flew up."
Omri U.

I love the expression. There are still a few things to smooth out, but for a trilingual 5th grader still figuring out some of the language kinks, I was impressed.

Friends are few.
Enemies are a lot...
but I still believe in friendship.
Some are gold,
others are trash
Don´t choose them in a rush.
Santiago S.

Sage advice from such a young guy. I hope he can believe in friendship his whole life through!

With a seed,

strength grows

a little at a time

and becomes the majestic Ceiba.

Love and duty.
Duty and love.
Sometimes they are very much the same.

Love is consistently performing your duty.
Duty is consistently displaying your love.

I love you
because I should
because I want to
because they are the same?

I serve you
because I should
because I want to
because I love.

I do my duty because I love.
This is balanced.

I love because it is my duty.
This is weighted.

If duty motivates me
I find myself empty and burned out.

If love motivates me
I find myself with joy flowing out.

Duty and love.
Love and duty.
While they may dance together,
one must overcome.

I´ve been thinking a lot about faith lately, trying to break down this nebulous and stretched out word into what I think it really is; which, is a fallable process in and of itself. If I had to put it into non-church-speak language, I would call it "optimism without a necessary catalyst." Or, perhaps, "belief in the positive final results."

However one is going to have faith, it must be towards some goal or purpose. There has to be something to hope for. Living in Guatemala has emphasized differences between socially reasonable things to hope for in comparison to the United States norms that exist. People here do not have many of the things viewed as necessary to survive in the States. Stoves, washing machines, air conditioners, hot water heaters, dryers, health insurance, health itself, and a variety of foods are all considered luxuries when compared to the simple fight for survival the majority of Guatemalans are faced with. When I think of people who think they are going through a major trial when their hot water heater goes out, it makes me wonder what we use our faith for. Do we think that problems won´t come if we have faith? I have been guilty of having the frame of thought that just because I have faith I shouldn´t go through problems. I knew realistically that it was not true, but that´s what many of my assumptions were based on. This emphasis, then, was on how faith can not be based on physical comfort, but on something that will not fluctuate with situations, something concrete and eternal. Sort of the "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1.

Perhaps this is a beginning step for all believers along the faith journey: maturing to the point that faith is something that exists independant from one´s circumstances. Really, when I break it all down, what I ultimately have faith for is that in the end, justice will be served. I have faith that we live in a world of consequences, though some are delayed. I have faith that one day all things will be leveled. That good and evil will both receive their just rewards. Hebrews 11:6 says "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." And, when it comes down to it, that is what I have faith for. I know that God is. I know He will reward all things eventually.

This as a framework for my life produces different motivations than a passive approach to faith where it is used as a cushy shield around my life to ward of problems. We know problems will come. This is definite and backed up by scripture. We also know that they will shape us, and that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28. Though that good might not be seen now, though injustice and unbalanced corrupt things thrive now, I have faith that justice is coming.

Spot The Snowflakes Christmas Card

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What have you done in 2010?
2010 has been very full of progress for me. I met many goals I thought were impossible, but worth setting. I have overcome a few fears... and uncovered a lot more things that need work that I didn't know about. One of the things Talia has helped me learn is how to appreciate the small moments in life, something I'm sure most moms could say about their children. In these photos she was literally telling me to stop and smell the roses and to "take Talia's picture with the flower!"
Something I need to work on is better documenting the little moments that I am going to miss one day. For this reason I had pretty much just these two photos available to use for our end of 2010 cards.
I ended up going with this card. I like how the rose is just ALMOST in the same position on the bottom and the top... it's as if it were cut in two for the different pictures.
May the last of 2010 have challenges you can conquer and your eyes opened to what still needs to change.

Filled with
thanksgiving,
blessings surround me.

Your
faithfulness
does not wane.

Body and soul are connected,
though longingly,
the soul anticipates.

Ever learning, inching upwards
let me come to
full knowledge...

not just rotate through
the cycle of my
opposing desires.

True thankfulness
always motivates
action.

Love fills up,
spills out and must be
demonstrated.

I am thankful.
How can I help fill
this world with thanks?

Spiraling shapes fill Guatemala:
swirls and twirls
and twisted textures...

uncurling ferns
and the bougainvillea slipping over the
twisted barbed wire.

Paths wind down the mountain,
scrolled iron work emphasizes the windows, doors
fountains with water curving down in arcs...

Textiles mimic
natures unrolling progressions
and the sleepy *caracól.

Spirals incite patience,
take a little longer to transverse
and aren't readily noticed until

seen from up high:
An intricate pattern with centrifugal purpose
moving us slowly toward the center of things.

What's in the center of your spiral?




*snail

This weekend was one for a lot of reflecting. I thought a lot about deserts. And philosophers. And the combination. Why is it common for wise men to take time to pray and fast and just be by themselves in the desert?

The discipline-control-freak in me wanted to take off for the nearest desert and figure it out. But that led to another question. Why are there so few mothers who are recognized philosophers? Have you ever heard of a mother wandering off in the desert to find herself and being in any way lauded? They are usually considered nuts who abandoned their children for selfish reasons. Maybe that is true.

As a mother I can't run away and figure out the important questions in my brain. I have to figure it out as I'm running. Sometimes, however, motherhood reminds me of a desert. There's the scorching of my selfish desires as I work towards a purer, more altruistic vision; there's the searing heat of soul-searching in order to make sure that what I am doing out of freedom won't result in bondage for my child down the road; the thirst is palpable... thirst for knowledge, thirst for guidance, thirst for the best way to do everything because each small detail can make a big impact. Sometimes desert snakes startle me. Sometimes dust storms blind me. Sometimes I feel like it will be a 40 year journey and I will murmur and complain and never figure out how to mature, like many of the children of Israel. But, every once in a while, I find an oasis and see a leaner, more self-disciplined, reflection of a person with Living-Water-tuned-senses that is slowly shaping.

If motherhood can be like a desert, surely righteous children are as worth it as a Promised Land.

Luciérnagas son
brillantes en la noche.
Esperanza dan.

When depression,
black ghoul,
rears its head
at my soul

On the wings of
The Word
would I fly.

When the dank
tendrils creep
'round the soles
of faith's feet

'Neath the shadow've
His wings
rejoice I.

When my will
is so weak
that I fall
at His feet

In the cleft of
The Rock
let me hide.

When out breaks,
the sun
forcing the dark
to run

It is well,
I will say,
at thy side.

The mountain trembles
from its basin-planted feet
up to its peaks.

The sky sporadically
explodes
in multi-colored glee.

I am grateful
for the chill
and the excitement...

Glad to be experiencing
the bombs of festivity,
not war.