Regret's a funny thing. You can learn from it or let it drag you down.

Joining choir in 8th grade was a life-changing experience. I had spent the previous 2 years learning saxophone in band with a teacher who was verbally... um, strong. I don't learn best in that sort of environment, though I feel weak for admitting it.

Our choir teacher was a larger-than-life person with a way of building people up where they could do things they thought were impossible. Like singing in front of an entire class of peers alone. Or in front of a large audience. Or in front of a judge. The first time I was called in for my turn to sing in front of a judge, my face turned a funny shade of whitish gray and I felt incredibly sick... but it got better each time. Choir helped teach me to stand by myself and be an individual, while at the same time being part of a community and working together to create a desired outcome.

It helped me earn a scholarship to college. There, though, I had to, once again, audition in front of the teacher to figure out my placement in the choir and whether I would be in the special ensemble. I tried out for both, because, I was already there, why not? But insecurity leaped in. After all of the preparation through middle school and high school choir, it still got me down... and I convinced myself that was too scared to give it my best shot. My voice was shaky and when I needed to repeat back a tonal example, I gave up and said I couldn't and left.

Thankfully, I still had the scholarship and a place in the choir, just not the ensemble. That memory, though, sticks with me. I COULD have sung the tryout. I know that now. I can see now what a lie insecurity is. How ironically founded it is in pride. How failure is not a life-time sentence, just a learning experience in our journey towards God. I can see how fear of failure inhibits growth.

Where do we learn to give up? Where do we learn to judge ourselves as harshly as we imagine the world judges us? Where do we learn that it's better to think we can't do something than to try it and fail?

More importantly for me now, how do I teach my children that they CAN do things? How do I teach them that failure is healthy and sometimes even a necessary step towards success?

I don't know. But I'm not giving up on teaching them.